


Don't Cry Over Spilled Coffee

by zeerogue



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M, Oneshot, but like trenta sized, kailu - Freeform, lukai - Freeform, the kailu coffee au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-14
Updated: 2017-05-14
Packaged: 2018-10-31 15:26:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 27,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10902138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zeerogue/pseuds/zeerogue
Summary: Jongin didn’t want to work at a coffee house, and technically he didn’t, he just liked to spend hours in the calm wannabe sophisticated atmosphere and pop up to the counter to occasionally bother his roommate...then he met Luhan.





	Don't Cry Over Spilled Coffee

**Don’t Cry Over Spilled Coffee**   
  


Jongin didn’t want to work at a coffee house, and technically he didn’t, he just liked to spend hours in the calm wannabe sophisticated atmosphere and pop up to the counter to occasionally bother his roommate who actually did work there. He blamed the slew of girls that poured in when the new college year started for the apron that was thrown at him one busy estrogen filled day by the boss (who Jongin’s roommate not so secretly crushed on). He said it was his fault so many customers were there, the street showcases he participated in every Friday afternoon had accumulated him a store full of female fans. They were understaffed, the boss continued, Baekhyun and Yixing only worked part time and only when Kyungsoo wasn’t working (and Kyungsoo was always working with hopes that his boss would notice him), and so Jongin should take responsibility. He didn’t think it was his fault. Sure he spent twenty minutes after the showcase indulging the crowd that gathered in the direction he exited the stage. And sure he grinned and showed them up close examples of the almost risqué moves in his dances that left them blushing and giggling. Yeah, and sure, he mentioned that he was headed to the cafe two blocks from the showcase for some down time after a quick shower (and he swore he only mentioned it because he wanted to help Junmyeon with his business which would then help get him in Kyungsoo’s pants which would then benefit Jongin by him not waking up in the middle of the night to his roommate’s harsh breathing and soft moans heard easily through their shared wall). Why was he responsible when he was just trying to help? It was a curse. His sex appeal was a curse. He didn’t even like women.

 

Working in Suho’s Coffee Shop was just something he had gotten use to. Though there was no paperwork for his employment, Junmyeon still paid him a fraction of what they made on busy days when that apron was thrown at him since it was his fault that they had so much business this year. And Jongin found he quite liked standing behind the counter pouring cream into cups and mixing the beans (Junmyeon didn’t allow him on the floor after the first week when all the orders were backed up because Jongin kept conversing with the customers; he had said to be nice after all). He found the aroma of the coffee beans refreshing after an afternoon of dancing. The caffeine had the opposite affect on him, calming his nervous mind as it rushed when he thought he saw a scout for one of the music companies in the crowds of the showcase. He didn’t even need to drink any, just step behind the counter and take over Junmyeon’s position as barista.

 

Jongin had a talent with coffee as well. He had gotten bored one night at the apartment and came to bug Kyungsoo. Junmyeon had made the mistake of letting him behind the counter and he started to stare at the beans. They all had different tastes and smells. Some were darker than others, and some tasted better with the whip cream and caramel and chocolate drizzles. They served teas and hot chocolate as well. It was still summer and so the latter was in full stock. Jongin mixed the darkest simplest beans and poured the steaming liquid into one of the latte cups. He poured hot chocolate into it, foamed up, the color lightening then topped it with a chocolate syrup drawing of a bear, the only design he had succeeded in making so far. Rich chocolate and strong coffee, simple, but Junmyeon seemed to like it when Jongin offered him and Kyungsoo a cup and added the drink to the board. Kai’s Chocolate Latte. Only available to be made when Jongin was there to make it. He had come up with a few other drinks since then, but that simple first one still held so much importance to him so he found himself making it one late Friday night after all his fans had gone and just a few couples, laptop enthusiasts, and a young man silently crying in his seat were left.

 

“How long has he been here?” Junmyeon asked coming out of his office in the back of the shop.

 

“Since eight,” Kyungsoo answered counting the change in the cash register.

 

Jongin steadied his elbow on the table as he began to draw the chocolate bear into the creamy brown mixture.

 

“He started crying about an hour ago, what should we do with him?” Kyungsoo asked looking up at his boss with large eyes.

 

“Closing time’s in another two hours, just let him be until then,” Junmyeon offered and patted Kyungsoo’s shoulder.

 

Jongin didn’t bother giving his roommate that teasing grin he usually did whenever the boss touched him and Kyungsoo would blush. He was too preoccupied with trying to turn the eyes into little hearts. They came out a little lopsided, but Jongin was happy and placed the latte on a tray along with a piece of plain cheesecake. The guy crying hadn’t eaten anything and only ordered water since he got here.

 

“Jongin, where are you going?” Junmyeon asked.

 

“Screw you guys, I’m going to go see what’s wrong,” he said and pushed the counter door opened with his hips.

 

“Jongin, don’t interfere,” Kyungsoo tried to warn.

 

Jongin ignored him. He smiled lightly as he made his way over to the table. A happy air was important when approaching customers or fans. He sat the tray on the table of the man’s booth. It gave a slight clink, louder than Jongin had hoped, and the man lifted his head. He was beautiful. Wide expressive watery eyes, twitching slightly wet button nose, small shapely quivering pink lips, small porcelain face stained with tear streaks. Jongin thought he could have fallen in love at first sight, but he wasn’t here to hit on the man. Besides, technically this wasn’t first sight as he had constantly been gazing over at the man’s table all night. He had looked like he was waiting for someone.

 

“I...I didn’t order this,” the man said and tried to pushed the tray away.

 

“I know.” Jongin grinned and turned the tray, maneuvering it around the man’s blocking hands and took a seat across from him. “You looked like you could use it.”

 

“You can’t sit there,” the man protested, his hand reaching out toward Jongin as if he could prevent his bottom from touching the red-brown leather of the booth chair.

 

Jongin paused right before sitting, hands bracing himself on the table. His grinned slipped away and he blinked once before it slid back on his face. “Why, are you expecting someone?”

 

The man looked at him dumbly, his lips moving as if forming words, but all that came out was “Y-...n...they just...,” before he finally just settled with a shake of his head.

 

Jongin sighed and made himself comfortable across from the man. He pushed the latte and cheesecake closer to the other and leaned back. The man peaked into the cup and Jongin smiled, his heart fluttering strangely in his chest at the quirk of the man’s lips.

 

“A bear?” he asked.

 

“It’s a cute bear, isn’t it?” Jongin grinned proudly.

 

“It’s a bit childish, isn’t it? It’s strange to give a man.”

 

Jongin frowned. “That’s how this order comes, with a bear.”

 

“Does it?” The man looked at the drink a few seconds more before glancing over at the counter where Kyungsoo was stuttering to tell the boss about his day or about something he had seen on his way to work, or just basically failing at flirting. Of course Junmyeon just smiled and listened intently. “Aren’t you supposed to be working right now?”

 

Jongin shrugged. “I don’t actually work here. Besides, does it look like we’re busy?”

 

The man glanced around the cafe before sighing. “Is it really that late already?”

 

“It’s midnight. We close in two hours. Your latte’s going to get cold.”

 

“I’m not thirsty,” the man argued.

 

Jongin sighed. “You don’t understand how much hard work went into that glass. It’s special, it only gets made once a week for a few hours. You’re lucky to get a chance to drink it.”

 

The man took a glance at the drink, an eyebrow rising as the now lopsided bear in the cup having melted being ignored. “Why is it only made once a week?”

 

“It’s a special drink, only I can make it. I only come in once a week.”

 

“Why?” The man was staring at him now, watery eyes honestly curious and Jongin grinned.

 

“I want to be a dancer so I perform at a showcase every week then come here. For every one of these I sell on that day, the money goes to me,” Jongin explained.

 

“That’s nice of the boss,” the man explained.

 

“Yeah, he’s a great guy, but since it’s a simple drink not many people would think of buying it if I wasn’t the one making it.”

 

“What’s it made out of?”

 

Jongin shrugged. “Just basic dark coffee beans and hot chocolate; energy and comfort, two things you look liked you could use, but since you don’t want it,” Jongin said and stood up reaching out for the coffee to take it back.”

 

“Wait!” the man exclaimed and pushed away at Jongin’s hand just as it touched the rim of the cup. The force caused the small cup to teeter and tip over, milky dark brown liquid spilling across the table and over to the edge onto the man’s pants.

 

Jongin wasted no time in pulling out the dish rag from his apron and kneeling beside the man, wiping at the edge of the table then at the man’s crotch. He wasn’t fazed by the closeness to the more than likely delicious and beautiful flesh beneath the dark wash jeans, his intentions were far from that, just comfort and care. He didn’t like watching people cry and he had seen this man crying far too much for a man sitting all alone in a coffee house booth. He only stopped when he heard the small hitch of a sob followed by a wet drop on his hand.

 

“Hey now,” Jongin said, putting the towel on the table and used his free hand to touch the man’s back. He had probably caused a scene and Junmyeon would tell him comforting a customer like this was unprofessional, but he didn’t technically work there so this man wasn’t a customer, at least not to him. “You don’t have to cry over spilt coffee. I can make another one if you want.”

 

The man shook his head and sobbed harder. “I’m...I’m sorry, I’m not a person who cries a lot, it’s just...you’re being nice...and...he didn’t show up.”

 

Jongin frowned and moved to sit next to the man who scooted over in the booth to accommodate him. “Who didn’t show, your friend...your boyfriend?”

 

The man shook his head. “He isn’t my boyfriend, we were going to go on our first date.”

 

The man smashed his fist on the table. Jongin reached around it to right the cup so it wouldn’t get squashed encase he did it again and removed the man’s hand from the table now covered with the latte. He rubbed the man’s hand with his towel even after it was dry.

 

“Shit, why is it always like this.” The man used his free hand to hold his face, covering his eyes as he tried to stop crying. “I didn’t think being gay would be so hard.”

 

“You’re gay?” Jongin knew it was a stupid question, but it was the first thing he could think to say.

 

The man removed his hand and glared at him. It was pathetic really as tears were still streaming down his face and his bottom lips wobbled looking more like a pout than a stern line. “I swear if that’s going to be a thing I’ll kick you. I’m not against kicking someone in a cafe.”

 

Jongin chuckled and finally let go of the man’s hand still captive in his wash towel. He put it on the table and tried to clean up any leftover coffee before it got too sticky. “No, I’m cool with it. I’m gay, too.”

 

“Oh, you are,” the man said and sniffed rubbing his nose with the back of his hand.

 

Jongin made a face thinking the action both gross and cute. He leaned over the man and grabbed one of the napkins from the dispenser and handed it to him.

 

“Thanks,” the man said and blew his nose.

 

“What’s your name?” Jongin asked. If he was going to comfort this guy until closing time and make sure he went home with a smile on his face then he thought he deserved to know his name.

 

“Luhan,” the man said and blinked at him. His face was wet and his eyes red, but Jongin found his confused expression cute.

 

“Well Luhan, I’m Jongin, how about you tell me about this ‘not’ boyfriend and why you’re crying?”

 

The man, Luhan, sighed and then nodded. “I guess I can tell you, I mean you just wiped off my crotch for me.”

 

Jongin didn’t miss the blush on Luhan’s cheeks, but refrained from poking it like he wanted to, just getting comfortable beside the man as he waited for him to speak.

 

“I just kind of found out a while ago that I was...gay. I had a girlfriend and when we tried to get to the next level...we had to break up. I’m living with a pen pal friend I had from China. He told me he was gay and I was okay with it and I always knew he liked me. He already had a boyfriend when I found out,” Luhan explained. “So, I started dating, but I didn’t know guys were such jerks. The first guy I tried to date forgot we even had a date and then the next guy, all he did was talk about soccer and eat. Both of them ended up becoming good friends of mine. I’m sure the same thing’s going to happen with this guy.”

 

“Why didn’t this guy show up?” Jongin asked.

 

“He said something about his little brother needing help. He has a total brother complex.” Luhan let out a frustrated sigh and leaned back in the booth. “I have the worst luck with guys, it was so much easier dating girls.”

 

Jongin nodded. “Girls are easier, but that’s because we don’t have to worry about trying to get them into bed.”

 

“That’s horrible, but you’re right.” The man turned and dug inside a bag he had stuffed into the corner of the booth and pulled out a wallet. “How much is the coffee and cheesecake.”

 

Jongin shook his head. “I’ll pay for the cheesecake and the coffee’s on the house.”

 

“No, I couldn’t...I can still eat the cake, but I spilt the drink,” Luhan insisted.

 

Jongin pushed the money away and stood up taking the latte cup and leaving the cheesecake. “No, I didn’t bring this for you to pay for.”

 

“What then?” Luhan asked.

 

Jongin grinned and winked. “For exactly the purpose it was made for, energy and comfort. I’ll make you a second cup.”

 

Luhan shook his head. “No, don’t bother, I’m leaving now.” He pushed the cheesecake toward Jongin. “I’ll take this to go.”

 

“Alright, if you’re sure.” Jongin picked up the plate of cheesecake and made his way back behind the counter. He ignored Kyungsoo’s and the boss’ disapproving looks as he placed the cheesecake along with two sugar cookies into a brown decorative carrier box and handed it to Luhan across the counter. He watched Luhan head toward the door, head lowered so the last few customers couldn’t see his face. He stopped, though, with his hand on the door bar and turned.

 

“Oh, that drink, what’s it called?”

 

Jongin stared straight at Luhan’s red tired eyes, surprised. “Oh, um, Kai’s Chocolate Latte.”

 

Those eyes wrinkled and turned into crescents. He was smiling. “Alright, thank you.” Then he left.

 

“Now, was there really a reason to go bother that poor guy?” Kyungsoo asked beginning to reprimand Jongin for getting into other people’s business.

 

A smile of his own spread across Jongin’s face as he watched the door close. “Yeah, yeah there was.”

 

* * *

  
  
  
Autumn wasn’t supposed to be this cold. Jongin had expected a slight cool breeze through his damp hair not the chilling ice streams that penetrated his jacket. Or what there was of his jacket as the black material continuously slid from one of his shoulders allowing the pale gold skin to be victim to a premature northerly wind. It wasn’t cold when he had gone to the showcase that afternoon, not even three hours before. How could things change so drastically in three hours?

 

Technically it was almost winter; but still, it was autumn and not snowy stormy winter.  
  
Jongin entered Suho’s Coffee Shop shivering. He hurried over to the desk and slipped behind it, holding his hands over the warm coffee pot that was filling with a fresh brew mumbling a few choice words to the weather. He didn’t hate the cold he just hated unexpected weather. Though, weather was always unexpected to him. Even if he never turned on the television in their living room for anything other than cartoons, Kyungsoo told him he had plenty of other ways to check the weather besides watching the news – his laptop, his phone, asking Kyungsoo before he ran out of the house, shoulders naked in his dancing tank tops. To Jongin, things shouldn’t change that quickly. If it was sunny when he woke up and sunny when he left then it should be sunny when he got back home. Not cold and slightly cloudy when he left home again.  
  
A hand landed on Jongin’s hair only to pull back quickly. “You hair feels like it’s made of ice,” Kyungsoo said.  
  
“It’s cold,” Jongin mumbled and touched his fingertips to the hot glass of the coffee pot.  
  
“Is it now? I could have told you to wear warm clothes when you came in today if you had asked me before I left this morning,” his roommate lectured.  
  
Jongin just shrugged. “It doesn’t matter, I’m inside now.” An apron was draped over his shoulder and Jongin turned to see Junmyeon walk out of his office behind the counter.  
  
“It does matter if my Friday late shift worker gets sick,” the boss said with a smile.  
  
Jongin zipped up his jacket before taking the apron and pulling it over his head, letting Kyungsoo tie it as he continued to warm his hands on the coffee pot. “Is it already that full in here?”  
  
“Can’t you see that for yourself?” Kyungsoo asked.  
  
Jongin looked around. All the booths were full of chatting girls and the tables in the center and to the side of the shop were made to accommodate all the computer wifi users and book readers. Other than the seats at the bar (no one was allowed to sit there on Fridays, Junmyeon’s rule to keep Jongin from getting distracted by obligated chit chat with his fans) and one messy table, everywhere had at least one occupant.  
  
“Ah, so it’s one of those Fridays,” Jongin commented and pulled the coffee pot off the machine and began to fill the orders.  
  
“You must have done a really good job today, you’ve got all your fans riled up.” Kyungsoo took out a tray and placed the coffees on their respective saucers with the tickets tucked under them as Jongin filled them. With two hands, Jongin’s roommate made his way out from behind the counter and through the cramped sea of tables to a booth in the back with pouting girls that looked passed Kyungsoo to Jongin. Jongin chuckled guessing they were new. His usual fans knew not to expect he would be delivering the drinks.  
  
“He’s gotten better at getting through those tables without spilling anything,” Junmyeon said taking up the position behind the cash register.  
  
Jongin put another pot on the coffee maker and turned to the boss. Junmyeon had a soft smile on his face as he watched Kyungsoo, his long time employee, continue to stutter over the same words he’d been reciting every day for over a year. Kyungsoo turned, large eyes meeting Jongin’s then the boss’ and he bowed his head a little, a smile crossing his own lips as he hurried back probably forgetting half the girl’s requests for more cream or straws or caramel drizzle, all things they could get up and get themselves.  
  
“Yeah, he’s gotten better alright,” Jongin agreed with a quiet chuckle and ducked down to check the state of the milk in the small fridge they kept under the counter.  
  
The bell over the shop door rang signaling the entrance of a new customer. Jongin popped his head up and peeked with wide eyes as a small form with a mop of light brown hair entered the cafe. They looked around, small hands clutching to their satchel strap and hurried toward the counter. Jongin stood slowly, watching them nibble on their bottom lip before meeting Junmyeon’s eyes.  
  
“What can I get for you?” the boss asked, smiling his usual welcoming smile at Luhan.  
  
Luhan’s eyes flicked over to Jongin’s. Clear of tears and red, Jongin found them to be the epitome of innocence and he couldn’t help but smile encouragingly at the man from last week.  
  
“Ah...Kai’s Chocolate Latte...and a cookie,” Luhan finally ordered.  
  
“What kind of cookie?” Junmyeon asked pressing the buttons on the register for the special drink.  
  
Luhan’s eyes met Jongin’s again and stared there longer. “Whatever the barista recommends.”  
  
Jongin grinned and turned back to the coffee pots. He moved over to the latte machine and began the process of making his special drink, scooping dark rich beans out of their bags and filling the machine with them then grabbing the milk and preparing a small container of hot chocolate to use for the few other orders of the drink that would come today.  
  
“Oh, if you give me a minute, I’ll clear off the table,” Kyungsoo said when he was back at the counter.  
  
Jongin turned his head to see Luhan looking around the cafe lost. “He can sit at the bar, can’t he?”  
  
“You know the customers aren’t allowed at the bar on Fridays,” Junmyeon said.  
  
Jongin raised a finger. “The _girls_ aren’t allowed at the bar, that’s what you said. He’s not a girl.”  
  
Junmyeon sighed, but nodded. “Alright since there’s nowhere else for him to sit.”  
  
Jongin grinned and reached a hand out between the machines to offer the stool in front of him to Luhan. “Have a seat then, it’ll be a few minutes until your drink is done, sir.”  
  
“Thank you,” Luhan said and moved down the counter to take a seat at Jongin’s indicated stool.  
  
Jongin nodded and pulled a white porcelain cup out. “So what brought you to our shop today, Luhan?”  
  
“It’s cold,” Luhan answered. His voice was soft, nervous. It surprised Jongin as he was used to a much rasher tone from the man. Maybe he was the shy type when not angry or sad.  
  
“Oh, is that all then? It is indeed cold out. I froze on the way here, warmed my fingers on the coffee pots.”  
  
Jongin could feel eyes on him, but didn’t look at Luhan as he placed the cup under the nozzle of the latte maker.  
  
“I also wanted to taste that drink that I spilled. You said I could only get it Friday afternoons,” Luhan continued.  
  
Jongin nodded and lifted the hot chocolate and poured it into the dark liquid watching the milk swirl and settle to a milky light chocolate brown froth at the top of the coffee. He picked up the chocolate syrup and braced his elbows on the counter as he began the tedious drawing of the chocolate bear on the top of the drink, tongue poking out slightly in concentration.  
  
“You...you don’t have to draw it if it’s difficult,” Luhan said.  
  
“Nope, every one of Kai’s Chocolate Lattes come with a chocolate bear drawn by me,” Jongin said then smiled as he placed the last chocolate eye on the bear. “There, perfect.” He placed the drink on a saucer then fished out the largest sugar cookie from the pastry display by the register. He reached out between the machines and placed the saucer in front of Luhan. “There you go.”  
  
Luhan gave the drink a quizzical look before moving his hands to cup the cup between them – soft hands, Jongin noted, the color of the milk he poured into the latte before adding the chocolate mix and steamed it. “It’s warm,” Luhan stated, a soft smile on his lips and lifted the cup to his lips.  
  
Jongin watched as the cream colored foam on the top kissed Luhan’s small lips until the cup tilted and covered his button nose and most of his face, but Jongin could still see his eyes, at least the ends of them, eyelashes touching, dark and long. Only a few seconds past, a few seconds of Jongin watching a customer enjoy his special drink up close for the first time, and then Luhan opened his eyes, doe brown and wide like a deer’s. They met Jongin’s and Jongin looked back expectantly.  
  
“It’s good,” Luhan said, eyes back to focusing on the white cup as he tilted it for a second sip. When the cup came down again Jongin felt his blood freeze as he caught Luhan’s eyes. They turned slowly into crescents, wrinkling like an old man’s at the sides.  
  
“It’s very good,” Luhan repeated with a laugh and a smile.  
  
Jongin tried to reflect that smile, he knew it couldn’t even compare to the radiance Luhan’s had just emitted. He never knew his drink could bring out that kind of smile.  
  
“Is it really?” Jongin asked and turned to fill the orders Junmyeon had left for him. “I’ve never seen someone smile like that over a cup of coffee.”  
  
“A lot of people don’t smile until they’ve had a cup of coffee,” Luhan responded around a bite of the sugar cookie Jongin picked out to compliment his drink. “There’s nothing special about mine.”  
  
Jongin only hummed a response and went about making the delayed orders. He could feel Luhan watching him work even with thirty other eyes on him from his fans in the cafe and it assured him the man was still there without having to look up. (Kyungsoo would start complaining if he was caught staring at Luhan too much, improper behavior toward a customer and whatnot even though technically he wasn’t an employee, but he also didn’t want to make Luhan feel uncomfortable by staring at him.) It wasn’t until he heard the clank of the latte cup on the porcelain platter that he looked up at Luhan. Luhan was gathering his bag about to stand.  
  
“You’re leaving?” Jongin asked.  
  
“Yeah, I finished,” Luhan said passing Jongin the set.  
  
Jongin looked around. The cafe was full and there were three people in line, but most everyone had their drinks already.  
  
“Wait fifteen minutes and I’ll come with you.”  
  
Luhan looked at him surprised. “You’re working.”  
  
Jongin grinned. “I’m volunteering.”  
  
Luhan shifted his feet then sat back down on the stool. “Alright, fifteen minutes then I have to go to work.”  
  
“Fifteen minutes,” Jongin promised and looked through the cabinets finding a small green chalkboard and a box of chalks that he used at the end of his shifts on Fridays if the cafe was still full by midnight. He scrawled a fifteen across the slate and hung it over a nail next to the cash register and dinged the bell six times making Kyungsoo jump all wide eyed and judging. Jongin beamed at him and took the newly filled order slips out of his hand.  
  
Four cappuccinos and a huge fluffy topped drink later, Jongin was slipping the black apron off and danced over to the door of the register. Luhan was already on his feet waiting, eyes fixed on the door where the customers were filing out leaving the cafe mostly empty other than the laptops and their owners at the tables in the middle of the shop.  
  
“That’s really amazing,” Luhan said as the last fan walked out.  
  
Jongin grinned and gestured to the door. “Not really, wait until next week and the whole place will be jammed packed until midnight.”  
  
Luhan exited first. “What’s so special about next week?”  
  
“Oh, next week’s the first holiday showcase, Christmas themed – Oh shit I forgot it was this cold!” Jongin wrapped his arms around himself, pressing his loose jacket to his boy. “It’s really something, lots of special effects and stuff.”  
  
Jongin was startled by a hand patting the top of his head. He turned to the hand’s source and saw Luhan’s brows furrowed as he glared at Jongin’s hair. He pulled his hand away and wiped it on his pea coat before digging in his bag.  
  
“Well you won’t make it to next week if you catch a cold, your hair’s damp.”  
  
Jongin reached up to feel his hair, but his hand was slapped away by Luhan’s hand that wasn’t holding onto a knitted bear hat. He stood still as Luhan reached up to place the hat over Jongin’s dark hair; his eyes followed along his movements watching Luhan’s manly but delicate hands disappear over his head then rove down to the milky thin wrists that peeked out of the sleeves of Luhan’s pea coat. Jongin’s eyes continued down the sleeves until they found Luhan’s face at the indent of his elbows. Luhan’s eyes were still scrunched up, wrinkled on the edges, but not the old man wrinkles like when he smiled at the cafe, softer. His small nose was red and wrinkled too, his pink lips pursed into a line only centimeters from his. Jongin felt the hat slide over his hair and Luhan stepped back; his featured popped up into a smile.  
  
“You look like a little kid,” he said.  
  
Jongin stared at him before turning to look at himself in the shop’s window. The bear hat looked a little odd with his jacket and loose pants and he could see Kyungsoo judging him from the register.  
  
“Are you older than me?”  
  
Luhan crossed his arms and stared calmly at Jongin in the window’s reflection. “”Probably, I’m older than I look.”  
  
Jongin nodded and turned back, wrapping his arm with Luhan’s. “I’m supposed to be walking you to work.”  
  
“You really don’t have to. I’m a guy, I can deal with a little heartache,” Luhan said, but he readjusted his elbow in Jongin’s tightening the grip.  
  
“Everyone can deal with a _little_ heartache,” Jongin said and pulled Luhan along. “Which way to work?”  
  
It sounded like a small animal’s happy bark, Luhan’s laugh, and it made Jongin pause.  
  
“It’s the other way. Let’s go before it starts snowing.”  
  
Jongin stumbled after Luhan as the elder man turned them around. They were down the block before he regained himself and smiled at the beeping walk sign counting down the seconds until it was safe to cross. They ran when it turned green, cars beeping at them as they passed. Jongin glared at them, light still red on their end. Who did they think they were being able to afford cars and who knew what else that Jongin couldn’t afford on his student salary. But, he did have Luhan, pretty foreign mystery that he was, at least for the moment.  
  
“You’re really that popular?”  
  
The question caught Jongin off guard. They were in front of another coffee shop and Jongin took a whiff of the air around it. It smelled too much like holidays and not coffee. Junmyeon’s shop only had an underlying smell of the seasons, but there was always that constant homey scent. Maybe he was the only one who noticed it.  
  
“I just work hard. Sometimes fans come with that,” Jongin said and looked into this shop. There were three people behind the register and one on the floor, more than Junmyeon even had under employment.  
  
“You don’t like your fans?” They started walking again.  
  
“It’s flattering to have them, but they’re all girls. I have two older sisters, I know how annoying girls are. Why can’t there be more fanboys?”  
  
Luhan scoffed. “So you can date them? You’re not with someone right now?”  
  
Jongin glanced at Luhan. His face was soft, eyelashes catching the snow that was beginning to fall. A perfectly innocent question.  
  
“I haven’t had one since Kyungsoo started working at the cafe.”  
  
“Kyungsoo?” Luhan looked thoughtful. “The cashier?”  
  
They had dated. Jongin and Kyungsoo had been friends in high school and when Jongin was accepted into college, he asked if they could date. He had dated girls in middle school but found them annoying. Kyungsoo had been the only older guy he was close to at the time. An older guy seemed a good choice for his first gay relationship. It lasted three months. They hung out and Jongin tagged along searching for apartments close to Kyungsoo’s college then Kyungsoo got a job at Suho’s Coffee Shop. All it took was for Jongin to come bother him one day after school for him to realize Kyungsoo had a crush on his boss. Jongin had made a comment about it while teasing the elder over the counter. Their eyes met and that was the end of it. They had never even kissed, never felt like the right time to make the move. Jongin asked to be roommates a month later.  
  
(He almost regretted it every time he woke up to Kyungsoo jacking off to the guy they’d broken up over, the moving in part.)  
  
“We’re roommates,” Jongin added.  
  
“Oh.” Luhan’s face was a bit harder now as they waited at another crosswalk in the business end of town. The walk light turned green.  
  
“To here is fine, thank you Jongin, for walking with me, it made the walk a lot faster conversing with someone,” Luhan said with a polite smile. Jongin didn’t like his polite smile.  
  
“I could walk you the rest of the way.”  
  
“It’s fine, no need to put yourself in danger of anymore crosswalks,” Luhan said and started walking himself.  
  
Jongin reached up to wave a farewell and his hand touched the knitted fabric of Luhan’s bear hat. “Wait, what about your hat?”  
  
Luhan was already half way across the street. He turned around and waved to Jongin in a sort of shoo manner. “I’ll get it back from you next Friday.”  
  
Next Friday. Jongin laid his hand flat against the soft hat and smiled.

 

* * *

 

  
Jongin knew it was cruel not to go, but it was late and cold and he was tired even after showering and filling his stomach with Kyungsoo’s leftovers. They made them do group dances for the holiday showcase and Kai’s dances had been at the very beginning then they had the audacity to leave his solo dance for the very end as an attempt to keep the huge crowd that came to see mainly him and a few others in particular through the whole show. He didn’t get to stop by the cafe earlier either to give Kyungsoo the hat to give back to Luhan (there was no way Jongin was going to wake up that early when his roommate left for his full day shift.)  
  
Maybe it was okay that Jongin didn’t show up on this particular Friday. It would give Luhan a reason to come next week and maybe he had already been there and gone, he didn’t know when Jongin would be at the coffee house and Jongin had started moving his times around every week since summer break had ended. Still, what if he did come and stayed until Kyungsoo told him to go home. What if he was crying again?  
  
Jongin laughed. There was no reason to cry over Jongin not being there, maybe just get pissed at not getting his hat back, sure.  
  
Jongin sat on the sofa, hair still damp and wrapped in Kyungsoo’s second bathrobe. He reached out to the coffee table intending to sip the piping hot mug of tea he prepared before his shower, but his fingers landed on soft knitted fabric. He looked down and picked up the knitted bear beanie pulling it toward his chest and fingered the soft threads. He had deposited the hat there when he got to the apartment, the same place he had been putting the hat all week. It was probably rude to continue to wear it and he had the thought to wash it before giving it back to Luhan, but then it would lose the smell of coffee and snow and Luhan’s soft scent of lavender detergent and electronic equipment that Jongin had pinpointed when it wafted around him from the hat. And now that smell had mingled with his own and he oddly liked that.  
  
It was ten when he fell asleep and midnight by the time Jongin woke up to the sound of his cell phone ringing. He hadn’t meant to fall asleep, hat still grasped between his fingers, and he got up from the couch racing to his room where he’d left his phone. It had stopped ringing by the time he reached it and Jongin checked the caller id to see who it was. Kyungsoo had called. It was only a couple more hours until his roommate would be home so he didn’t understand why Kyungsoo would call. He thought about ignoring it, but something felt wrong, he still had the knitted hat in his hand.  
  
“Hello, Kyungsoo hyung?” Jongin said.  
  
“Jongin, get your butt over here now!” Kyungsoo yelled into the phone.  
  
“What’s wrong?” he asked alarmed, not that Kyungsoo yelling was anything to be alarmed about, just the tone of the yell was scary.  
  
“That customer...yes, Luhan, thank you sweetie, go back to drinking your coffee,...your customer, Luhan, is drunk and crying all over the counter. He came a couple hours ago looking for you but I said you had probably been stuck at the showcase and were too tired to come so he left and came back drunk.”  
  
Luhan was drunk. He had come looking for Jongin then gotten drunk. Jongin’s stomach tightened in guilt. “Is he causing any trouble?”  
  
“No, just crying, most of the customers are gone, not a lot came since you didn’t. He’s just spouting things and I think half of it’s Chinese.”  
  
“Okay, I’m coming, make sure he doesn’t leave,” Jongin said and hung up. He pulled on a sweater and jeans and grabbed his coat before heading out the door, bear hat nestled tightly over his damp hair.  
  
He had just missed the bus when he got outside and the next one wouldn’t be there for thirty or more minutes and he couldn’t see any taxis around so he ran. His lungs felt like they were pricked by millions of tiny icicles by the time he made it to the cafe doors and his leg muscles felt stretched. Certainly he danced often enough to be healthy and worked out, but running in the midnight coldness at top speed wasn’t something Jongin was accustomed to and he opened the door taking in painful deep breaths.  
  
“Where is he?” he croaked.  
  
Kyungsoo looked up from where he was counting the coins in the cash register and gestured over to a stool near the coffee makers where Junmyeon was patting the top of a mass of brown fluff. Jongin headed over and took the stool beside Luhan. The elder was groaning and he looked at the boss curiously.  
  
Junmyeon just smiled at Jongin. “We gave him some black coffee to try and get himself sober seems to just be making him sleepy and I think he’s starting to developed a headache but he’s not yelling in Chinese anymore.”  
  
“That’s good...I guess,” Jongin said and turned to Luhan. “Luhan, it’s me Jongin, are you alright?”  
  
“Jongin,” Luhan said, voice muffled by his pea coat. He slowly lifted his head and smiled at Jongin, eyes more droopy than crescent like. “Ah, Jongin~.” He lifted a hand and touched one of the ears of the bear hat. “Little bear.”  
  
“Your hat, did you come to get your hat?” Jongin asked reaching up to remove the beanie, but Luhan swatted his hands away with a whine.  
  
“Keep it oooo~~~nnnnn, it’s cuuuuu~te.”  
  
Jongin nodded. “Alright, then why did you come, Luhan. You were looking for me?”  
  
Luhan nodded and rested his chin on the counter staring at his empty cup. “Came, but you weren’t here so I left.”  
  
“And you got drunk, why did you get drunk?”  
  
Luhan reached out and tipped the cup to balance it on its edge, pink lips pouted out like a fish. “Was gonna get drunk anyways...wanted someone to drink with me.”  
  
Jongin frowned. He reached out and lifted Luhan’s hand away from the cup bringing it between his own, rubbing it as if to get warmth into Luhan’s hand though it wasn’t really cold. The cup made a clacking sound as it settled back on its base. “You wanted to drink with me?”  
  
Luhan nodded and turned in his stool so he was facing Jongin. “I wanted Jonginnie to drink with me~.”  
  
“Do you often drink?” Jongin asked.  
  
Luhan shook his head, tuffs of his light brown hair getting stuck on his forehead and Jongin removed one of his hands to push them back into place.  
  
“Where you upset?”  
  
Luhan’s eyes closed and he moved toward Jongin’s hand as Jongin moved it away. “Your hand’s cool.”  
  
“Luhan, do you want more coffee?” Jongin asked.  
  
“Yeah...a Kai.”  
  
Jongin smiled and stood up, going behind the counter to make his special drink. He tied the apron around his waist and looked around. The cafe was mostly empty except for a night blogger in the corner and a college couple by the windows. He quickly prepared the hot chocolate and foamed the milk. He thought about skipping the bear design as Luhan was probably still too drunk to appreciate it, but that wasn’t the point of the bear so Jongin drew it anyways.

  
“Here,” Jongin said placing the latte on the saucer where the cup of black coffee had been.  
  
Luhan had put his head back down, but sat up straight when the drink was placed down in front of him. He reached out and just like the first time, cupped the cup between both hands to lift it. Jongin was caught in staring at Luhan again. Even drunk and flushed pink, he drank prettily, long eyelashes closing as the white edge of the latte cup touched his pink lips. He took a long sip before lowering the cup and licked his lips then sighed.  
  
“It’s still really good,” Luhan said.  
  
Jongin smiled and watched Luhan take another sip then another until the chocolaty coffee mix was gone. Luhan sighed and leaned back in the stool, eyes still closed. “All warm and fuzzy now.” He made a shivering motion and smiled, eyelashes opening to reveal his brown eyes.  
  
“You still drunk?” Jongin asked.  
  
Luhan grinned at him and nodded. “A little.” He lifted his cup still nestled in both hands toward Jongin. “Can I have some warm milk?”  
  
Jongin took the cup and rinsed it out filling it with warm milk adding a bit of cinnamon into it to give it more flavor. He placed it back in Luhan’s cupped hands. “Here, it’s like eggnog without the egg.”  
  
“I’ve never had eggnog,” Luhan said and took a sip. “You’re amazing, you even make milk taste better.”  
  
Kyungsoo cleared his throat and Jongin turned to see his roommate making shooing motions with his hands. Junmyeon was in his office and only the night blogger was left in the cafe. Jongin nodded remembering that he was still tired.  
  
“How about I walk you home, Luhan?” Jongin offered.  
  
Luhan lowered the cup, hands slipping into his lap and his head lowered. Jongin couldn’t see his face with the bangs of his puffy hair shadowing it, but he could tell the happy demeanor Luhan had was gone now.  
  
“I don’t want to go home yet,” Luhan said, voice soft. “Sehun’s not asleep yet, I don’t want to go home.”  
  
Jongin paused in taking off his apron hearing Luhan’s words. He looked over to Kyungsoo who just widened his eyes and made the shooing motion again and sighed. He was tired and just wanted to sleep before his muscles from all the dancing and running today screamed at him not to move. He was tired, but Luhan was more important, right? There had to be something that made him drunk. He wasn’t drunk the last two Fridays he’d seen him so it couldn’t be a weekly thing.  
  
“Okay, we won’t go home.” Jongin looked at the clock. “How about we catch the last movie showing for the night?”  
  
Luhan turned and squinted at the clock and nodded. “A movie. Sehun should be asleep by the time it’s over.” He started to stand up and walk, but wobbled and Jongin hurried around the counter to catch Luhan before he fell.  
  
“Still a little tipsy there?”  
  
“I guess, sorry,” Luhan said.  
  
Jongin only grinned and wrapped Luhan’s arm around his shoulder. “Not a problem, I’ll support you.” He waved to Kyungsoo and started outside. It was hard to open the door with Luhan heavily leaning into him, but he managed with nearly escaping having his face meet the cold concrete floor outside.  
  
“It’s cold,” Luhan said and snuggled closer to Jongin, one ungloved hand wrapping around his waist and finding warmth under Jongin’s jacket and shirt.  
  
Jongin shivered. “Your hand feels it, it’s like ice.”  
  
“You’re warm,” Luhan said.  
  
“Don’t you have gloves or something?” Jongin asked.  
  
“Hmm, pockets.”  
  
Jongin used his hand not wrapped around Luhan’s waist for support to dig into one of his pockets finding a balled up pair of brown gloves with bear faces on them that matched the hat Jongin had borrowed. He was able to slip one on the hand connected to the arm around his shoulder, but Luhan’s other hand was still underneath his shirt.  
  
“Luhan, I need to get your glove on.”  
  
“No, put it on yourself, you’re warm enough,” Luhan said and lifted his hand farther up his shirt. Jongin sighed and looked at the glove. He slipped it onto his hand wrapped around Luhan’s waist and tucked his other hand into his own pocket and started down the street again with Luhan.  
  
“I might be warm, but you’re cold.”  
  
“Sorry, “ Luhan said, his voice soft, faraway.  
  
“Don’t fall asleep on me while we’re still walking or I’ll leave you in the snow and call that Sehun,” Jongin joked, but Luhan jerked, eyes wide and he looked around before meeting Jongin’s eyes with fear.  
  
“No, no don’t call Sehun. I don’t want to worry him.”  
  
Jongin nodded, brows scrunched up. “Alright I won’t call, but don’t fall asleep here.”  
  
“I’m up now, let’s just get to the movies.”  
  
They walked down the snow bordered streets. The streets weren’t that full in this area, but as they got closer to the theatre, a throng of people still lingered out for late night dates or to hang out with friends. There were other drunken people so it wasn’t too hard to push through the sober ones to get into the movies as they pretty much just moved out of the way. Jongin fumbled with his wallet and pulled out a card he was only supposed to use for emergencies and handed it to the ticket lady. The theater was mostly empty by one in the morning and Jongin ignored the seat numbers on his their tickets getting seats close to the back and tucked nicely in the middle.  
  
“What movie are we watching?” Luhan asked curled up in his seat.  
  
“There was only a cartoon selling right now,” Jongin answered and stared at the cartoon bear running around on the screen with some other animal friends.  
  
“I like cartoons, but I’ve seen this one already.”  
  
Jongin just laughed.  
  
The movie played for a while, the bear adventuring deep into scary woods. Luhan spoke up just as an innocent squirrel popped up to surprise the bear. Jongin jumped and turned to Luhan.  
  
“What was that?” Jongin asked.  
  
Luhan laughed. “You scare easily, like a child how cute.” He reached up and pinched Jongin’s cheek. Jongin frowned.  
  
“What did you say, Luhan?”  
  
Luhan sighed and nestled back into his seat. “I said Kris, the guy that blew me off for his little brother, he’s dating one of my friends. One of the guys I went on a date with but ended up just being friend. Last week, Wednesday I think was when I had off, we were playing soccer at the park just opposite of my apartment building and Kris came by to apologize. It was just a date, we work together and found out we were both gay and thought to give it a shot. I didn’t realize he had gotten along so well with my friend. He’s called, but hasn’t rescheduled the date so I thought he was...still having trouble with his brother, but...Minseok called and asked if I would be okay with them going on a date since ...since we never really went on ours and we don’t...really like each other that way...and...and I said...I said sure.”  
  
“You’re...crying,” Jongin said. The bright colors from the cartoon only made it obvious as it reflected in the tears falling down Luhan’s face.  
  
Luhan covered his face. “I-I’m sorry...I’m really...really not a person that cries this much. I’m a man, I hardly...hardly cry at all.”  
  
Jongin nodded and reached out bringing Luhan’s head to his chest, armrest lifted between them. He stroked the elder’s hair and stared at the screen.  
  
“I’m really not a crybaby, Jong-Jongin.”  
  
“I know.”  
  
Jongin really only saw the colors as they played across the screen, any sound was drowned out by Luhan’s sobbing until finally they quieted into soft whimpers.  
  
“Jongin,” Luhan said, voice so soft, tired sounding, Jongin almost didn’t hear.  
  
He looked down, Luhan’s face turned on his chest so he could only see a skewed angle of his profile, long eyelashes closed and pink lips slightly parted as he breath.  
  
“Jongin...thank you for...being a good friend,” Luhan said and the soft sigh that escaped him told Jongin he was finally asleep.  
  
Jongin stared at Luhan’s sleeping face, still petting his hair and a smile stretched at his lips. His hand moved from stroking the softness of Luhan’s hair to the softness of his cheek. A good friend. That was fine for now.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Well, don’t you look snazzy,” Jongin said as he walked into the bathroom to find Kyungsoo primping himself in front of the bathroom mirror wearing a warm blue cardigan over a pressed white shirt with a polka dotted bow tie and smooth dark jeans.  
  
“Jongin, I’m using the bathroom right now,” Kyungsoo said and grabbed a bottle of hair gel from the rack over the toilet.  
  
Jongin leaned against the doorframe. “I can see that. You primping for your hot date with Junmyeon hyung tonight?”  
  
“It’s not a hot date...it’s just a date,” Kyungsoo said and Jongin wanted to laugh at the tinge of red on his cheeks. He moved passed his roommate and lifted the lid of the toilet.  
  
“Kim Jongin, what are you doing?”  
  
“I have to pee and you’re taking too long. We showered next to each other in gym class in high school, it’s not like you haven’t seen my penis before.” Jongin closed his eyes and sighed ignoring the disgusting look Kyungsoo gave him.  
  
“It’s not like I ever wanted to see your penis.”  
  
Jongin laughed. “You want to see Junmyeon hyung’s though, right?”  
  
Kyungsoo looked at himself in the mirror. “Yeah, maybe.” He lifted a gel filled hand up to his hair.  
  
Jongin reached out and grabbed Kyungsoo’s wrist. “Well, if you want to get him to make those wet dreams of yours go away I would advise not putting that gel in your hair. Keep it down you look more vulnerable that way, he’s too gentle to take more if you look too confident. Also, change the blue cardigan to a red one, it’ll give the vulnerable look a spicier feel.”  
  
“And when did you become an expert on fashion, Jongin?” Kyungsoo asked pulling his wrist away and immediately running it under the water with soap.  
  
“Your outfit can make or break your dance. I have a certain feel I want to express with my dance which means what I choose to clothe myself in also must express that.”  
  
“Yeah, yeah, now wash your hands. You touched me after you touched yourself. If we weren’t friends I would have smacked you.” Kyungsoo left the bathroom to Jongin and called back, “There’s food in the fridge and the espresso machine works again.”  
  
Jongin walked out and went into the living room flopping down onto the couch flipping on the television to watch the Christmas specials of the variety programs on and maybe catch some Korean dubbed Christmas shows. He peeked over into the corner of the living room where a tiny Christmas tree sat on a stand with two presents underneath, one from him to Kyungsoo and the other from Kyungsoo to him. A hand landed on his shoulder and Jongin jumped.  
  
“You sure you’re going to be okay here by yourself? You usually go with one of your fangirls on Christmas, don’t you, a date with a lucky fangirl,” Kyungsoo said.  
  
“I don’t really feel like going on a random date, hyung,” Jongin said and started flipping through the channels.  
  
“I think I know why. Still, it’s weird for me to be the one going out on Christmas and not you. You could always call him if you’re lonely.”  
  
Jongin left it on a music program that was just starting up, the first band on stage starting it all off with a fast up beat song. “Call who, Kyungsoo?”  
  
Kyungsoo grabbed his coat from the closet and took one last glance at himself in the mirror that hung next to it. “Luhan, the Chinese guy that always talks to you at the coffee shop. Call him to come hang out with you on Christmas.”  
  
“He’s probably working or already has plans,” Jongin said. “And why would I call him?”  
  
Kyungsoo slipped his jacket on and pulled out a scarf. “Oh, I don’t know, maybe because for the past month he’s been your number one customer at the cafe. I don’t even know how many Kais he’s downed, but he’s probably the main contributor to your dancing fund by now. And you always leave with him to go who knows where. _And_ because just as obvious as it was to you that I liked Junmyeon, I can see you like Luhan.”  
  
Jongin reached his arms above his head and stretched. “Was it really that obvious? I was trying not to push him too much.”  
  
“Maybe you should push him a little more.”  
  
“Says the guy who’s going on his first date with the guy three years after crushing on him. Can’t believe it took me spilling coffee on you and him wiping it up for him to ask you. Did he really have to see you get a hard on from him before he could be sure you liked him?”  
  
Kyungsoo threw a glove at Jongin’s face. “We’re not talking about that. Besides, it was because you were staring at Luhan drinking your precious Kai so intently that you spilled the coffee in the first place.”  
  
Jongin laughed and threw the glove back. “Be thankful then.”  
  
Kyungsoo opened the door. “Just call him, would you?”  
  
“He’s probably already out on a date. He’s popular you know.”  
  
“And yet, he always comes crying to you.”  
  
Jongin stared at the door frowning when his roommate left. It had been over a month since Jongin had first met Luhan, over a month of meeting up at the coffee shop on Fridays and sometimes the occasional Wednesday when Jongin would come in to bother Kyungsoo. They saw midnight runnings of movies, walked around the streets in the snow, last week they had even gone to eat albeit it was just a plate of tteokbokki shared between them both under the plastic tarp of an outdoors kitchen all the while chatting about the people that happened to walk past and something about the people would always lead to them admitting something about themselves: A soccer ball underneath a boy’s arm and Luhan said he loved soccer and worshipped Manchester United, a girl in a fluffy pink skirt and Jongin admitted to having been a ballerino when he was younger.  
  
Jongin’s eyes moved to the coffee table in front of him. His phone sat there, the time glaring at Jongin while next to it laid Luhan’s knitted bear hat. He had worn it every time he had seen Luhan, but the older man never asked for it back and the soft fabric had almost become part of his own hair so much so that Jongin forgot to offer it back no matter how many times Luhan said that it made him look cute and Luhan always made sure to mention Jongin looked cute in his hat.  
  
He looked cute. Jongin stared at his cellphone and brought a hand up to nibble on the tips of his fingers.  
  
Luhan’s phone number was not given to Jongin by Luhan directly. He had forgotten his phone and wanted to see what time it was. It was one of those nights where they went to the theatre only for Luhan to fall asleep halfway through the movie. He’s slipped the other’s phone out and, seeing a free space on his speed dial, decided to add his number as a joke under Kai. He had been surprised when Luhan called him one day to see if he was going to be at the coffee shop. He never asked how Jongin’s number got into his phone and so Jongin let it be.  
  
Staring at his cellphone now, Jongin wondered if it was really alright to call Luhan for the first time since their friendship started a month before. If anything he could simply wish Luhan a Merry Christmas and get a few minutes of listening to the other’s soft voice. Friends did that much.  
  
Jongin glanced up at the screen watching the dancer of one of his favorite bands perform with other members of his company as snow began to fall and made his decision. He shot his arm toward the coffee table and picked up both the hat and cellphone in one hand. As he ran through his contacts, he settled himself on the couch, his body stretched out and head resting against the armrest to force calm into himself. He was just calling Luhan, just calling the man he had been watching smile every time he drank his special latte for the past month.  
  
Jongin pressed speed dial nine and switched the phone to speaker dropping it onto his chest. His arm slid down his body and to the floor as the ringing from the other line reverberated into his chest through his thin black wife beater. He shivered a bit thinking he should get a blanket or a sweater after he finished talking to Luhan or more likely after he left a happy message of good tidings on the elder man’s voicemail.  
  
A girl group came on and Jongin frowned losing interest in the phone. There was a click and a voice started to speak.  
  
“Hello, this is Luhan.”  
  
“Hyung, I was just calling--”  
  
“I can’t come to the phone right now, but leave a message and I’ll get back to you.”  
  
A groan left Jongin’s lips and he frowned at the girl group as they did their sexy routine and waited for the answering machine to finish its recited greeting.  
  
“Please leave a message after the beep.”  
  
Jongin held his breath for the beep sound but was meant with the crinkled static of the connection being broken.  
  
“Jongin?”  
  
Jongin sat up hearing Luhan’s real life voice. “Luhan?”  
  
“Oh s-sorry for not a-answering right away,” Luhan said. Jongin could hear him breathe hard into the phone.  
  
“Did you run to the phone?” Jongin asked turning away from the television to look at the phone on his chest instead.  
  
“Yeah I was in the shower when I heard it ring.”  
  
“The shower? So you’re just like in a towel all wet right now?”  
  
“Jongin, you didn’t call me just to be a stalker did you? I swear if you’re outside my window or something I will indeed hit you with a baseball bat. And I do own a baseball bat.”  
  
Jongin laughed. “I believe you and it was just a guess. Why are you so riled up?”  
  
“Sehun’s not here.”  
  
“Your roommate? Kyungsoo’s not here either. He finally got himself a date with the boss,” Jongin said and ended with a laugh.  
  
“It’s the first time he hasn’t been here for Christmas.” Luhan’s voice was sober and Jongin went back to frowning. “It’s the first time I’ve spent Christmas alone, since coming from China”  
  
“Then should I come to your apartment and keep you company?” Jongin offered.  
  
Luhan laughed. “You don’t even know where I live.”  
  
“Or...you could come to my apartment and spend Christmas with me. It’s my first time alone on Christmas, too.”  
  
“Did you call me just to invite me to your apartment, Jongin?”  
  
Jongin reached a hand up touching the tips of his fingers to his lips before letting his hand fall again. “Yeah, that’s why I called you.”  
  
There was silence on the other end for a while before Jongin heard a sigh. “And how am I supposed to get to you, Jongin? I don’t know where you live.”  
  
Jongin grinned and tried to keep his voice from sounding too eager. “I’ll tell you. Take a taxi. I’ll even pay for the fare. I don’t like being alone, yeah?”  
  
“Alright, but I’m only doing this because it sounds like you need some company,” Luhan grumbled into the phone.  
  
Jongin could only smile triumphantly as he hung up and began the wait.  
  
He numbed his mind with the music show so time could pass quicker. Forty minutes later he heard the doorbell ring. The high shrill sound startled Jongin and he jumped from the couch toppling over the armrest and onto his knees on the floor. There was silence for a moment as Jongin winced silently in momentary pain before the knocking commenced.  
  
“Jongin...Jongin? I heard something. Jongin, you alright?” Luhan’s voice asked through the door.  
  
Jongin shook himself and ran a hand through his hair before opening the door. “Yeah sorry. The doorbell startled me.”  
  
Luhan reached up a mitten covered hand and ruffled Jongin’s hair. “You startle too easy.”  
  
Jongin shut the door and moved to take Luhan’s pea coat as the elder started to remove his clothing. “I was watching a music program. You took longer than I thought.”  
  
“Yeah, well I had to get dressed. The drive wasn’t that far though.” Luhan sat on the sofa and looked at the television curiously.  
  
“You could have come naked I wouldn’t have cared,” Jongin said and went to sit next to Luhan on the couch.  
  
Luhan chuckled and looked around the apartment before his eyes settled back on the television. “You like these kind of shows?”  
  
“Yeah, I want to be a dancer so watching the choreography is always helpful.”  
  
“Just a dancer?” Luhan asked. “You don’t want to be an idol?”  
  
Jongin shook his head and grabbed the remote flicking through channels when a commercial came on. “I did before I started at the showcases but then I got a taste of it and I’m not nice enough to deal with all the fans. Also, being gay would make it hard wouldn’t it?”  
  
“Yeah it would,” Luhan agreed.  
  
Jongin stopped back on the music show and leaned back in the couch with his hands behind his head. “I don’t want to live in the closet forever. Being a backup dancer is fine.”  
  
“Your parents are okay with that?”  
  
Jongin made a face. “Not exactly, that’s why I’m going to school for music. They’ll pay for everything other than my dancing that’s our deal.”  
  
“So they pay for your school and your apartment?”  
  
“And my dancing gets paid for by the Kais I sell,” Jongin said and turned a grin at Luhan. “Thinking about it that means you’ve been paying for my dancing for the past month since that’s all you drink every time I see you.”  
  
“I...I...”Luhan stuttered and his bottom lip jutted out. “I just like it that’s all. It’s amazing how something so simple tastes so good. Homey and sweet.”  
  
Something inside Jongin’s chest swelled at the description of his drink. He stood. “Do you want to drink some now? It’ll be warm and fresh, good to drink on a cold Christmas.”  
  
Luhan smiled at him, not full force but Jongin could see some of the creases at the corners of his eyes. “I bet it would. Do you have cookies too?”  
  
“Sugar,” Jongin said and went into the kitchen.  
  
He doubled check to make sure the espresso machine still worked and messed with the nozzle that put foam in the milk he had insisted on attaching after his first success at making a coffee drink with Kai. By the time he was done making enough for them and a few extras he was more than certain the machine was broken again. He handed Luhan a saucer and large cup with two sugar cookies placed on the side. The elder took it with a smile and mouthed ‘thank you’ before looking into the cup.  
  
“No teddy bears today, Jongin?” he asked with a frown.  
  
“Sorry, there wasn’t any chocolate syrup. I tried making a heart but...” Jongin trailed off staring at the mismatch of swirls in the cream and brown drink.  
  
Luhan tilted his cup to the side. “I kind of see it. You should stick to chocolate drawing though.”  
  
Jongin watched him take a sip, holding his own cup in between both hands mimicking the way Luhan drank. He watched for the crinkle of Luhan’s eyes that always came with the first sip of his special drink. It came, but along with a contemplative crease in his brow.  
  
“It’s good,” Luhan said.  
  
“But different. I don’t have the fancy coffee beans Junmyeon does.”  
  
Luhan tapped the edge of the glass before bringing it up to his mouth again for a longer sip. He licked his lips when he pulled the porcelain from his lips again and smiled. “I think I like this way a little more. It’s almost as if even I could make it, that kind of taste.” He reached for a cookie and nibbled on the corner. “Where’d you get these?”  
  
“Kyungsoo and I made them.”  
  
“Together?”  
  
Jongin grinned nervously and took a sip of his own drink. He had to confess something and he wasn’t sure how Luhan would take it. He leaned back and drank with one hand, his other arm spread across the back of the couch. “Yeah, he cooks well so I’ve been learning from him lately. My first task was to make sugar cookies.”  
  
“Why sugar cookies? Because of Christmas?”  
  
Jongin looked away for a second then glanced over at Luhan. The elder was looking at him, eyes widening when he caught Jongin’s glance. “There were reasons. He thought it would be useful.”  
  
“Oh,” Luhan said and looked down at the cup in his hands. He tilted his head to the side and laughed but didn’t look at Jongin again. “Baking is useful though. Everyone likes cookies.”  
  
“Yeah.” Jongin stared at Luhan trying to make sense of his movements and reactions. They were almost shy, always. Unless he was drunk Luhan wasn’t straight forward with Jongin and he said things with a smile that made Jongin wonder if they were a joke or if that was the elder’s way of covering up nervousness, smiles that didn’t crinkle his eyes. “Do you cook?”  
  
Luhan shook his head. “Not at all. Sehun and I are hopeless cooks. We’re probably so unhealthy with all the bubble tea and junk food we eat.”  
  
“How old is this Sehun?” Jongin asked. He hadn’t really questioned Luhan about his living situation. He only knew a few things about when Luhan was in China and even then not personal stuff just general information about life there which fascinated Jongin all the same, but he wanted to know more.  
  
“About the same age as you.”  
  
“How did you two meet?” Jongin asked.  
  
Luhan raised a brow at Jongin. His shoulders stiffened up and Jongin almost sighed. “How did you and Kyungsoo meet?”  
  
“Went to high school together,” Jongin answered easily.  
  
Luhan pursed his lips. “Met him online. I was interested in going to Korea for school and work and so went looking for a pen pal so I could have connections. Seemed he had a similar goal.”  
  
Jongin wanted to change the subject, but he was curious. One more question. “Do you like him?”  
  
“Like?” Brown doe eyes looked at Jongin confused.  
  
Jongin placed his empty cup on the coffee table. “Yeah, when we first met you said something about him already having a boyfriend when you found out you were gay and that you knew he liked you.”  
  
“What about you and Kyungsoo?”  
  
Jongin chuckled. He wasn’t expecting that question, but he was happy that Luhan wanted to know something similar. “We never liked each other that way, but we dated for about a week then stopped when he started working at the coffee shop. It took three years but it was obvious he liked Junmyeon from the beginning.”  
  
“Oh,” Luhan said. He was tapping the sides of the cup.  
  
“And?” Jongin persisted. He answered now it was Luhan’s turn, that was how it worked.  
  
“No.” It was a quick answer and Luhan finalized it by turning to the television and staring at the screen. He laughed. “Oh it’s a variety show now. I love this ones it’s hilarious.”  
  
Jongin sighed and stood up. No more questions for now then. “Do you want more?”  
  
Luhan handed Jongin the cup without looking at him.  
  
When Jongin came back, Luhan was curled up in the corner of the couch hugging a pillow to his chest and laughing at the television. Jongin placed his cup down and made to sit when his phone rang. He grabbed it from the coffee table and saw a text from Kyungsoo.  
  
“Seems like my roommate’s not coming home tonight,” he said and sat down next to Luhan.  
  
The other didn’t respond and Jongin turned to see what Luhan was doing. He had the knitted bear hat in his hands rubbing his fingers along it.  
  
“You still have this,” Luhan said.  
  
Jongin put his phone back on the coffee table. “Yeah, you can have it back.”  
  
He watched Luhan from his peripheral. The elder bit his lip then turned to Jongin. He reached up and grinned.  
  
“You look cute in it though.”  
  
Jongin tried to move away from the hands attempting to put the hat on his head. Luhan pouted and reached out more, but Jongin only grinned and moved away. The elder sighed and pulled back, tricking Jongin into thinking it was safe to come closer only to have Luhan force Jongin down by grabbing his collar. Jongin ended up with his head haphazardly placed in Luhan’s lap, one arm above his head holding onto the armrest and the other grabbing onto Luhan’s shoulder making the elder bend a bit forward. Luhan only laughed at the position and slipped the bear hat onto Jongin’s head in triumph.  
  
“There, see, cute,” Luhan said and tried to sit back up. Jongin kept his hand still.  
  
“Jongin?” The merry laugh etched on Luhan’s face melted into soft blankness as he stared down at Jongin with large eyes.  
  
Jongin shifted a bit. He thought he could hear Luhan’s heartbeat from there, but it was probably his own beating erratically inside his chest. Luhan was so close. He could see the signs of light sleep bags under his eyes and the smallest fleck of sugar cookie crumbs on his lips. So close. Jongin moved his hand from Luhan’s shoulder to the back of his soft brown hair and pulled him down to him melding his lips against Luhan’s.  
  
They were soft and slightly chapped, sticky with the coffee hot chocolate mix and the cookie crumbs pressed against Jongin’s lips almost uncomfortably. It was perfect to Jongin, just how he’d always imagined kissing the elder when he watched him enjoy his Kai at the cafe.  
  
Jongin pulled back and searched Luhan’s face. It was pale with a pink flush across his cheeks. Brown eyes were half closed and still, lips parted just barely to breath. Jongin shifted, leaning up, and tugged Luhan’s head back down before he could gasp out a word of protest.  
  
He didn’t push him away, only mumbled Jongin’s name into the kiss. Words and Jongin had learned Luhan’s words had only been like the teddy bear Jongin drew on his latte, a decoration to make pretty a drink that may or may not taste good. Jongin had decided Luhan did taste good. With the second press of their lips he knew he wanted a third, fourth, fiftieth taste. He took advantage of the slight part of Luhan’s lips and slipped his tongue into the elder’s mouth.  
  
One of Luhan’s hands reached up and grasped at Jongin’s shirt. He didn’t pull or push, just grasped his hand there as Jongin invaded his mouth with his tongue tasting the sweet wetness and pressing his tongue against Luhan’s. He moved continuing to kiss Luhan until he was more straddling the elder’s lap then laying in it. There was a tremble in Luhan’s lips that brought the slightest movement against Jongin’s that he almost thought Luhan was reciprocating the kiss. He wasn’t, either because he was too shocked or because he was too disgusted, frightened, Jongin didn’t know. He finally pulled away with a sigh and settled himself over one of Luhan’s thighs, his knee sliding down between Luhan’s legs on the couch. It grazed the seam of Luhan’s pants and he gasped.  
  
“J-Jongin!”  
  
Jongin’s head snapped to see Luhan’s expression – a quick intake of breath cut off by biting his bottom lip and eyes fluttering closed, head tilted back before those eyes opened again and looked at Jongin with pleading or another expression that Jongin couldn’t tell whether it was fear or need. All Jongin knew was the expression was perfect and he only had to shift his knee in the same spot to know that Luhan was hard.  
  
He wanted to tease the elder, to touch him until he admitted to needing Jongin, but Luhan was like a deer though Jongin had never seen one in real life, he’d seen pictures of them staring into the camera in startled fear. That was Luhan except with a hint of trust behind his eyes. How much did Luhan trust Jongin though?  
  
Jongin moved his hand to Luhan’s crotch and palmed it. “Luhan.”  
  
“Ah...Jongin...what...” Luhan’s grasp on his shirt tightened and his other hand moved to ball up on his thigh.  
  
Jongin lowered his voice trying to sound softer. “I won’t hurt you.”  
  
“Jong...in...can y-...not.”  
  
He flicked Luhan’s button opened and pulled down his zipper. He pressed his fingers into the material of Luhan’s boxers and felt for his member, stroking it like he would his family dogs when they were scared. “You’re hard. When you had girlfriends, did they take care of it?”  
  
“What...Jongin...” Luhan looked at him confused by the question and Jongin moved his hand down Luhan’s boxers to grip him fully.  
  
“One...just one...Jongin!”  
  
He stroked it. “Just one? And what did she do?”  
  
“Mouth...wait, Jongin...st-...Jongin.”  
  
His name was a whine now, not a playful croon like Luhan said it when they walked down the streets together, but it wasn’t yet articulated the way Jongin wished his name would coming from Luhan’s lips – in a moan.  
  
Jongin slid down Luhan’s leg, his own crotch making friction against the elder’s knee. He settled himself between Luhan’s legs and pulled Luhan’s member out. Jongin licked his lips seeing the furious pink head and glanced at Luhan. The elder wasn’t looking at him. His eyes were closed and he kept his hands in the same spot. The grasp he had on Jongin’s shirt almost choking him now that he was down on the floor. Jongin moved his hand to the top of Luhan’s erection and dabbed the slit with his thumb. He had never touched another man’s penis in a sexual way (sometimes there were certain wardrobe malfunctions that needed such an invasion of privacy to be fixed), but he wanted to, particularly Luhan’s, smaller than his own but Jongin didn’t think Luhan was as hard as he could be and he could fix that.  
  
He tried to be gentle with Luhan, with his movements against his sensitive pink flesh. He licked his lips and leaned forward when he started to hear Luhan whining his name in quick repetition and licked the slit. The taste was almost salty and off, but Jongin felt it was something he could get use to and rolled his lips down over Luhan’s member. Luhan’s hand let go of his shirt and grabbed at the hat on Jongin’s head pulling  hair with it in a vice like grip as Jongin began bobbing his head up and down, groaning. He couldn’t really get it all in, but he chalked that up to it being his first time giving head. He would be better next time and he was determined to have a next time with Luhan.  
  
Peeking up at the elder, Jongin saw that Luhan was hunched over, eyes closed tight and lips parted in heavy pants as he whimpered his moans of pleasure. Jongin grinned around Luhan’s member knowing the elder was feeling some sort of pleasure from his actions. He knew it felt good, at least he knew it was supposed to from experience he had in high school of girls with their lips wrapped around his penis. The lips were always too soft and sticky from lip gloss. He wanted Luhan’s lips, he wanted the elder to return the favor. By the insistent whines Luhan let out Jongin thought he had a pretty good chance of that happening.  
  
It hit him before he knew it. A flood of that bitter taste shot into his mouth. He drank on instinct and pulled back, coughing as the rest squirted onto his face and the arm he lifted to wipe it away. Jongin leaned back on his knees and examined the mess of a master piece he had made of the elder man. Luhan sat slumped back on the couch. He still had a fist clenched on his thigh and the other hand laid limply between his legs with the teddy bear beanie. His head was tilted up and Jongin was mesmerized by the way Luhan’s adam’s apple bobbed with his heavy breathing. A shuddered breath brought Jongin’s attention to Luhan’s face and he used the coffee table to pick himself up.  
  
Tears.  
  
Jongin’s chest clenched when he saw them running down Luhan’s face. He hadn’t seen tears on the elder’s face since Luhan had come to the coffee shop drunk a month before, the wetness flowing from the corners of Luhan’s kissing eyelashes. He was limp, crying, so pale with just a flush of pink on his cheek. Like a doll, like a complete mess of a doll.  
  
Jongin was hard still, but he couldn’t watch Luhan’s tears and turned. “I’m...s...” he couldn’t finish apologizing. He wasn’t sorry really, but wished he could have gone about it differently. How did you go about seducing an older boy into letting you give them a blow job.  
  
“Jon...gin,” Luhan said.  
  
He didn’t want to hear his name anymore from Luhan’s lips. Jongin ran into the bathroom and ran a cold shower even though he was already shivering from the cold air of the apartment to jerk himself off in. When he walked out only five minutes later, Luhan was gone, just a soiled bear hat sticking out from under the coffee table.  
  


 

* * *

  
  
Jongin wondered why he hadn’t caught a cold yet. His hair was wet and it was below freezing outside, snow stacked high, but at least there was sun today. He always came to Suho’s Coffee Shop with wet hair and it wasn’t a short walk from the apartment either. How did Kyungsoo even think to apply here those three years ago, he really should have gotten a better job now that he was out of university. Maybe he would since he was finally sleeping with Junmyeon and they seemed sickeningly in love.  
  
The showcase had been in the afternoon today, it changed around according to the owner’s taste and usually Jongin preferred it during the day because that met less fangirls and more opportunity for a scout to come by, but it also met he had no excuse not to go to the coffee shop. Jongin sighed as the little bell tattled on him that he had entered the cafe. He missed the days when he only came to bug Kyungsoo about his crush.  
  
“You’re going to catch a cold,” Kyungsoo said the moment he saw Jongin.  
  
“And you’re going to get hemorrhages at the rate you’re going with the boss,” Jongin shot back removing his jacket and putting on his apron.  
  
“It’s not appropriate to talk about my relations with the boss while at work,” Kyungsoo said.  
  
Jongin grinned at his roommate. “So, you two really are having sex, you didn’t just innocently decide to sleep on his couch on Christmas.”  
  
The answer was obvious with the red tipping Kyungsoo’s ears and the way he bowed his head in embarrassment. It had been obvious the minute Kyungsoo had walked back into the apartment with tousled hair and hickeys lining his neck like a collar. Jongin had proceeded to make pet jokes the rest of the week more as a way to keep his mind off other events that happened on Christmas than to just enjoy the misery he brought Kyungsoo by embarrassing him.  
  
A line immediately appeared at the register the moment Jongin started to prep for the usual orders, fangirls ordering seconds and the usuals trying to get their drinks or wifi password before the rest of the fangirls filled up the cafe. Jongin didn’t think there would be as many fangirls today, though. The area in front of the stage had been mostly empty and Jongin had performed first when most girls were still in class waiting for their breaks or for a chance to skip. He always told the ones in school uniforms to go back, but then he’d see them again in normal clothes at the cafe. It was almost the end of the school year. Even if they did seem to use most of their time to stalk Jongin and the other dancers, even they should know to study for tests.  
  
The end of the school year. Jongin sighed remembering how the end of his year had gone a week before. He had sat in the corner of a norebang in Itaewon with Junmyeon, Kyungsoo, Yixing, and Baekhyun (who had brought along one of the regulars as a ‘friend’ only for them both to get drunk half way through the night and leave hanging off each other). At some point he had downed enough alcohol to gain the courage to text Luhan. He hadn’t seen the older man since Christmas and hadn’t had the nerve to call him to see what was up. Maybe he was sick or too busy to come by and play, he was an adult with a job after all.  
  
 **Happy New Years, Luhan** – A simple text, but it was more than he really wanted to do. He was surprised when he got a text back but deflated the moment he saw how much simpler Luhan’s was almost mechanical.  
  
 **Happy New Years.** At least he had added a period, but you didn’t add periods to texts you sent friends, you added smiley faces and emoticons, not periods. Periods were for your boss or coworkers. Jongin didn’t even add a period when he sent texts to Junmyeon about the coffee!  
  
Jongin just tried not to think about it. No matter how much he did like Luhan he didn’t think bombarding the man with messages and demanding they talk would help. It hadn’t just been a kiss. He figured two weeks weren’t enough to sift through your feelings about getting a blowjob from a guy you had only known a month. A month also wasn’t long enough for said guy to give Luhan such service, but Jongin digressed. He was an opportunist after all.  
  
“I saw you dance, it was pretty good.”  
  
Jongin looked up surprised by the voice. A boy about his height and age sat on the stool in front of where Jongin worked, the stool Luhan usually sat in. He was as pale white as Luhan and if Jongin hadn’t known Luhan was Chinese he might have thought the boy was his brother.  
  
“Oh, thank you. Usually we don’t allow anyone to sit on the stools unless we’re over capacity,” Jongin said. Was this a fan boy?  
  
“I’ll only stay here until I get my drink. As I was saying, you’re good. I use to be in a showcase by my high school, but I quite in college.”  
  
“That’s unfortunate,” Jongin said preheating some espresso cups and tasting some of the pre made coffee to see if he needed to replace them or adjust the flavor of the beans.  
  
“You’re good, but your dance style is interesting. Very sexual,” the boy said.  
  
Jongin nodded. “Ever heard of the expression ‘make love to it’?”  
  
“That’s your dance style, to make love to the music?” the boy asked.  
  
“It’s not an unusual way to dance,” Jongin said. “Are you looking for pointers?”  
  
“No,” the boy said and looked at his receipt, “just wanted to know if you were as sexual as I thought you were.”  
  
Jongin studied the boy. He seemed more like a model than an ex-dancer. Maybe he was or an up and coming actor. “You think I’m sexual?”  
  
The boy nodded. “Indeed. Most of these girls are your fan, right? I think you’re extremely sexual, it just oozes off you.”  
  
“I’m not really, it’s just a dance style,” Jongin said and grabbed the order from Kyungsoo ignoring his roommate’s curious look.  
  
“A dance style and a lifestyle,” the boy said.  
  
Jongin bit his lips so as not to retort. He had learned studying his favorite idol dancers that staying quiet when someone was trying to make you look bad was the best way of defense. He didn’t know why this boy was trying to rile him up, maybe one of the girls were his girlfriend or he was jealous of his skill; Jongin didn’t really care. He went about quickly finishing up the first order of drinks.  
  
“You’re just as sexual as I thought, but not what I thought at all. I don’t know what to make of you,” the boy said.  
  
Jongin didn’t know what to make of the boy, either. He put the cap on the last drink and hardly paid mind to the names he wrote on the to go cups. “What did you order?”  
  
“A Kai. Someone told me it was the best coffee he’d ever drank.”  
  
Jongin picked up the only Kai that had been ordered this round in a small to go cup and reached over the coffee machine to hand it to the boy. He turned it around so he could read the name. “Well, here you go, I hope you enjoy it as much as that someone...Se...Sehun.”  
  
The boy, Sehun, grinned and took the cup before Jongin could drop it staring at him with wide eyes. He lifted the drink at Jongin before turning and starting outside.  
  
Sehun...as in Luhan’s Sehun?  
  
Jongin ripped the apron off and didn’t even bother putting his jacket on as he rushed past Kyungsoo. “Be right back, taking a break.”  
  
“Jongin, wait you just got here. Jongin!” Kyungsoo called after him, but Jongin was already outside.  
  
He looked up and down the street for Sehun hugging his arms around himself until he saw a mop of flat light brown hair at the crosswalk. Jongin ran and grabbed Sehun by his arm.  
  
“Sehun, Luhan’s Sehun?” Jongin asked holding the boy with one hand while still hugging himself with the other.  
  
Sehun rolled his eyes. “You’re slow, I thought you would have figured it out by now.”  
  
“He never really told me much about you.” Jongin said and pulled his hand away to hug himself with both arms.  
  
Sehun made a circular motion with his drink swishing it around. “Really?”  
  
Jongin frowned knowing the bear drawing inside was messed up now.  
  
“That’s odd,” Sehun continued, “Luhan spoke a lot about you.”  
  
Jongin found it hard to believe Luhan would talk so readily to Sehun about him when Sehun was a topic Luhan almost tried best to keep from coming up in their conversations. “You came here for more than a drink, didn’t you?”  
  
“Yeah, but you seemed to be annoyed by me. I figured you didn’t want anything to do with Luhan anymore.”  
  
“I didn’t know who you were,” Jongin defended.  
  
“I know who you are though and what you did to Luhan on Christmas,” Sehun said.  
  
“It’s been two weeks,” Jongin said. He didn’t understand why Sehun hadn’t come sooner.  
  
“It took me that long to get him to tell me though I’d guessed it from how he looked when I came home after.”  
  
“What did he look like?” Jongin asked. He hadn’t seen when Luhan had left. He wished the man had stayed so they could have talked. Or he could have just ignored his own problem and stayed in the living room but he hadn’t wanted to make Luhan even more uncomfortable.  
  
Sehun sniffed the drink and swirled it again. “He was asleep on the couch still in his coat. He wouldn’t sleep anywhere but his bed no matter what. And his pants were undone.”  
  
“And he told you what I did?” Jongin asked.  
  
“He told me where he was. He was curled up on the couch on New Years staring at a text from you then said he had been at your house Christmas night, got up, then locked himself in his room. I just figured it out from there.”  
  
Jongin tightened his grip around himself. He never could understand Luhan’s reactions. He hadn’t done anything wrong to Luhan, the elder could have easily thrown him off, fought. Maybe it was just regret and self loathing. Jongin didn’t want Luhan to hate himself.  
  
“I have something I’ve been wanting to ask you Kim Jongin,” Sehun said.  
  
Jongin looked at the boy curiously and waited.  
  
“That hat, it’s Luhan’s.”  
  
Jongin reached up and felt the soft knitted material of Luhan’s bear beanie. He had washed it finally thinking it not appropriate to leave  it covered in the spots of Luhan’s cum he hadn’t swallowed that Luhan had wiped up with it while he was in the shower. He gripped it and pulled it off his damp hair. It had just become a habit to wear it when he left the apartment.  
  
“Here,” Jongin said holding the bear hat out to Sehun.  
  
Sehun took the hat and stuffed it into his jacket pocket. “Do me a favor, Kim Jongin, don’t contact Luhan hyung anymore. I can’t trust you not to hurt him again and I don’t like seeing my friend depressed. It’s only been a year since he found out he was gay, he doesn’t need someone like you introducing him to that life.”  
  
Jongin moved his hands from his arms and fisted them at the seam of his jeans. Someone like him? Was there something wrong with him? One wrong opportunity and suddenly he was a bad guy? It wasn’t fair, he hadn’t meant to have these feelings for the man he had seen crying in a booth at midnight in the cafe. He just wanted to help, he just wanted to make Luhan stop crying.  
  
“Luhan’s Sehun, do you know how Luhan and I first met?” Jongin began moving his gaze to stare Sehun in the eyes.  
  
Sehun’s eyes met Jongin’s uncertain. “He happened by this coffee shop, he said, waiting to meet a friend.”  
  
Jongin shook his head. “I saw him crying at midnight alone in a booth one Friday. I brought him a drink and he spilt it on himself trying to get me to leave him there to cry, but I don’t like seeing people cry. Do you know why he was crying? He was stood up for his date, a guy with a brother complex.”  
  
“A date?” Sehun asked. “He didn’t tell me he had started to date guys.”  
  
“Probably because they’re all complete failures and he feels like a complete failure because of it.”  
  
“Luhan’s not a failure,” Sehun argued. “I could have hooked him up with someone.”  
  
Jongin paused for a moment at Sehun’s words. Sehun could have hooked Luhan up with someone, with whom? Maybe, maybe Jongin understood Luhan a little more than he thought. He didn’t know Sehun, but he knew enough about him, knew he had had a crush on Luhan that the elder had known about when he thought he was still straight. He must have dated other guys to get over Luhan, was he going to hook Luhan up with one of his exes? He was dating someone right now, one of his boyfriend’s exes?  
  
“Luhan doesn’t want that,” Jongin said.  
  
“How would you know what Luhan wants, you did something to him he didn’t want,” Sehun shot back.  
  
“I jumped ahead and I shouldn’t have, I admit that, but I’ve held a drunken Luhan, crying, inside of a theater until he fell asleep, I invited him over for Christmas so he wouldn’t be alone for the first time in years while his roommate who was supposedly in love with him was out on a date with another man.”  
  
Sehun took a step back. “How do you know...about that.”  
  
“That was one of the first things Luhan ever told me, that you use to like him.” Jongin went back to holding himself feeling cold again. “He probably would have given you a chance. He liked you enough not to break your friendship when he knew you liked him.”  
  
“I’m not in love with Luhan hyung anymore, though,” Sehun said and swished his drink a third time. Jongin supposed it had gotten cold by now.  
  
“You should drink that before it gets cold,” Jongin said.  
  
“Oh...right.” Sehun lifted his drink and sipped it. He licked his lips and smiled a bit. “It’s good.”  
  
“Luhan thought so, too,” Jongin said and followed the to go cup as Sehun lifted it up for another sip.  
  
Sehun brought it back down with a sigh. “He doesn’t want me to know he’s having trouble. You know, it took him a month before he told me why he had broken up with his girlfriend. He had been with her since he came to Korea. I thought they had already been having sex.”  
  
“I offered to call you once to come pick him up.”  
  
“When he was drunk?” Sehun asked then rolled his eyes. “He almost never gets drunk probably thought I’d lecture him which I would have. I was in love with him, but he’s also like my big brother.”  
  
“You have to watch over him.”  
  
Sehun nodded. “Yeah, make sure big bad wolves like you don’t take advantage of him. Jongin?”  
  
Jongin looked at Sehun curiously. “Yes?”  
  
“I still don’t want you to come in contact with Luhan, but...I’m moving in with my boyfriend. We’re pretty serious, it’s been more than a year after all.”  
  
Jongin sighed and moved a hand to run through his hair. It was starting to dry, but felt cold. “You haven’t told Luhan yet.”  
  
Sehun shook his head. “I didn’t plan on telling you either. I just came here to threaten you.”  
  
Jongin grinned a little at that. “I’ll keep an eye out for him if he comes this way.”  
  
“Thanks...and just an eye,” Sehun said lifting the to go cup toward Jongin. “No hands...or mouths.”  
  
The crosswalk turned green and Sehun turned to walk across sipping the coffee as he went. Jongin kept running his fingers through his hair and wished Sehun had left the hat. His head felt cold now.  
  
“You finally back? You have a lineup for your special drink, you better hope the chocolate milk didn’t get cold,” Kyungsoo said when Jongin returned.  
  
He moved past his roommate and put the apron back on moving to where there was a pot of hot coffee finished dripping and placed his hands around the warm glass. “I’ll do them in a minute.”  
  
“Oh, hey, I forgot to tell you Yixing finished writing your song for the big showcase you’re doing on Valentine’s. He wanted to know what lyrics you wanted so we could work together on that. You wanted me to sing it, right?”  
  
Jongin nodded. “It’s a jazzy R&B song, maybe something about coffee in it, just something smooth I guess. The words don’t really matter, just the singing.”  
  
Kyungsoo nodded and took a few more orders. “Hey, Jongin, who was that by the way?”  
  
Jongin grabbed the chocolate syrup and started to draw bears on the coffee. “Luhan’s roommate.”  
  
“Roommate? What did he want?” Kyungsoo asked. Jongin could feel his widened eyes watching him.

  
“To tell me something.” Jongin handed Kyungsoo the drinks.  
  
“And that something would be?” Kyungsoo pried further.  
  
Jongin opened the dessert display and pulled out a sugar cookie to nibble on as he stared at the door a new horde of fangirls coming it.  
  
“Luhan’ll be back next Friday.”  
  


 

* * *

  
  
It wasn’t next Friday, but that Sunday when Jongin heard from Luhan again. His voice was brighter than he had ever heard it and Jongin immediately knew he wasn’t calling Jongin because he wanted to return the service Jongin had given him on Christmas, but because he had no one else to go to after hearing the news of Sehun moving out. Jongin was surprised though with what Luhan asked of him.  
  
“Jongin, come apartment hunting with me.”  
  
Jongin blinked at the television he had just turned on having been woken early from his day off from school. Bright characters ran across the screen from the children cartoons that aired this early in the morning, but Jongin couldn’t pay attention to their animated voices as he thought over what such an offer could mean. Maybe Luhan did want to return the service, wanted to give Jongin more than that. Was this Luhan’s way of asking Jongin to move in with him? A second evaluation of the situation and Jongin understood that, no, it wasn’t that hopeful of a situation.  
  
Moving the phone receiver from his mouth, Jongin let out a sigh. He should just say no, to get out of this relationship he had started with the older man, but a few weeks was something Jongin could deal with without over worrying about Luhan, to go the rest of his life without knowing what Luhan was going through, to know if he was crying or not left Jongin clutching at his chest. He brought the phone back to his mouth and answered.  
  
“Of course, where should I meet you?”  
  
“I’m not sure,” Luhan said. Jongin could hear the rustle of fabric and wondered if Luhan was still in bed. Had he woken up with the spontaneous thought to call Jongin and decided apartment shopping would be the best excuse for calling, or was it the other way around and Luhan just didn’t want to search for a new place to live alone?  
  
“You could come here since you know where I live,” Jongin offered.  
  
The other line was quiet for a while. Jongin felt queasy wondering how Luhan would react at his first attempt to test the waters of their relationship.  
  
“No, that’s not a good idea,” Luhan said his voice void of the cheerfulness he had greeted Jongin with when he woke up.  
  
“Why?” Jongin challenged.  
  
The sound of Luhan swiping his tongue across his lips made Jongin feel more nervous. He tapped his fingers on the remote as he waited.  
  
“Ah!” Luhan exclaimed. “It’s not a good idea because the apartments I’m looking for need to be closer to my work and I work far from you.”  
  
Jongin wanted to growl in frustration. Luhan was bad at trying to cover up the fact he had to think of a reason not to meet Jongin at his apartment. Had he even tried at all?  
  
“Alright, so where then?”  
  
“Um, just in front of the coffee shop, yeah?” Luhan offered.  
  
“If that’s closer. Do you not know what the shop’s called, Luhan?”  
  
“No, I only memorized the address when I first went there. It’s the only one on that block,” Luhan said.  
  
Jongin laughed. “Suho’s Coffee Shop.”  
  
“Suho, who’s that?” Luhan asked.  
  
“Just a word Junmyeon picked. You want to meet there, in how long?”  
  
“An hour, I still have to get ready,” Luhan said.  
  
Jongin laughed again. “That’s because you’re in bed still isn’t it.”  
  
“Kim Jongin, you’re a pervert and I’m getting my bat.”  
  
Jongin was the first to arrive at the coffee shop. He waved at Yixing and Baekhyun from the window. Kyungsoo was out on another date with the boss so they were running the place on their own. Baekhyun was too busy jotting down orders, but Yixing waved back after starting a new pot of coffee. He seemed as if he was going to greet Jongin with more than a wave when his eyes widened and he looked confused. Jongin saw the reflection of someone join him and smiled seeing Luhan.  
  
“Who are you waving at, is Kyungsoo working?” Luhan asked coming up beside Jongin. He turned to look into the shop then frowned and grabbed Jongin’s arm to lead away from the window.  
  
“What’s wrong?” Jongin asked when they came to the crosswalk.  
  
“I didn’t know he worked there,” Luhan answered.  
  
“Who?”  
  
“Yixing.”  
  
The light turned green and they started across the street. Jongin asked, “You know him?”  
  
“Yes, he’s a friend, we’re not very close though, not since Kris introduced him to his brother.”  
  
“Kris?” The name sounded familiar.  
  
“The guy that I was supposed to meet that day who didn’t show because of his brother.”  
  
“The one that started dating your other friend?”  
  
Luhan frowned and they made it to the other side of the street. “Yeah, him. His little brother that he didn’t show up because, he’s dating Yixing now.”  
  
“I haven’t heard anything about him having a boyfriend. He went to New Years with us,” Jongin said finding it rather extraordinary that he had another connection to Luhan now.  
  
“It was the day after or before that, I’m not sure I didn’t go to the party.”  
  
Jongin nodded. This was the most Luhan had ever talked about his own friends. “So why didn’t you go in and greet him if you’re still friends?”  
  
Luhan turned and looked at Jongin as if he was stupid for asking that question. “Because I’m with you.”  
  
Jongin thought on that then decided he didn’t want to ask anymore about Yixing. He figured if they had been friends and  now Luhan was bitter towards him because he had started dating someone else meant Yixing was probably one of the men Luhan had had a failed date with. Instead, Jongin decided to ask about apartments.  
  
“What kind of apartment are you looking for?”  
  
“Hmm, something small, just enough for me, but with room for an office. I want a bottom floor apartment.”  
  
“The top floors have better views,” Jongin said. “Kyungsoo use to have a different apartment around here, a one bedroom and it was on the bottom, but all you could see was the chicken place across the street. That’s all you smelt, too.”  
  
“I don’t like heights, I also don’t want to be across a chicken place. I called a few places earlier for an impromptu tour.”  
  
“So what am I doing here?” Jongin asked.  
  
“Moral support,” Luhan said then pointed to an apartment complex down the street. “It’s above a pizza place.”  
  
“Pizza’s good.”  
  
They walked up the stairs behind the pizza place and went inside the building. A woman with a clipboard stood inside and greeted them before leading them up to the third floor and to a small apartment. There wasn’t a bedroom, just a space over the bathroom and closet where you could put a bed and a dresser, maybe a desk and the living room and kitchen were almost in the same area only separated by a bar.  
  
“It’s good for a bachelor,” the woman said.  
  
Jongin could tell Luhan wasn’t impressed. “I think he wanted something a little bigger.”  
  
They moved to their next appointment with a bigger apartment and by bigger, the kitchen and living room where bigger, but the bathroom was outside and the bed was again in a loft over top of the living room and closet making the ceiling lower.  
  
“Good thing you’re not that tall, Luhan,” Jongin joked, neck craning as they walked about the kitchen.  
  
Luhan glared at him. “Next please.”  
  
They visited three more apartments before taking a break at a bubble tea near one of the more popular music companies. Jongin felt giddy being this close and he briefly wondered how lavish Luhan’s apartment with Sehun had been if he could afford one on his own so close to these big companies. He wondered what Luhan’s job was in general. He had never allowed himself to come close to the music companies, he didn’t want to be scouted for just walking about and he also didn’t want to audition until he was out of college. He wanted to be found for his natural talent. And certainly Jongin had no real interest in becoming an idol, he didn’t want to deal with the pressure of keeping the fact he was gay in when constantly in the presence of four to ten other guys who he could find himself fancying, but for his passion in dance Jongin was somewhat willing to go for it, to go for one of those groups that would break up in seven years, or he could leave after five, go for military service, and come back to just teach dance.  
  
“I’ve never been this close to the music companies,” Jongin said.  
  
“Really?” Luhan sipped his bubble tea, a purpled colored thing Jongin hadn’t gotten the name of when trying to pick out his own. “I come by here all the time. There’s always either a horde of fangirls screaming and trying to take pictures when their idols come out in groups or sasaeng fans sneakily taking photos at night. The fangirls can be handled, but the sasaeng. A couple of them stopped me thinking I was a trainee that would debut soon.”  
  
“Did you tell them how old you were?” Jongin asked amused.  
  
Luhan waved his hand. “I have to say that too many times to more than just fans. They couldn’t believe it when they found out that I was ‘Oppa’. I was even called Manager Oppa once, it was annoying. Managing idols isn’t my job.”  
  
“What is your job then?” Jongin asked.  
  
Luhan hummed around his straw and took a sip then grinned at Jongin. “I just work somewhere around here.”  
  
Jongin frowned and took a sip of his own drink and looked outside. He narrowed his eyes seeing someone coming out of a building across the street, a man dressed in a suit with a clipboard seeing a couple off.  
  
“Hey, what about an apartment across from a bubble tea place?” Jongin asked.  
  
Luhan made a moaning sound “I would love that to be quite honest. You wouldn’t know how often Sehun and I go to get bubble tea when we’re both home.”  
  
Jongin nodded and pointed to the realtor who was checking over his clipboard. “Let’s catch that man then before he leaves. Maybe he’ll let us see some apartments in that building.”  
  
They gathered their bubble tea and ran out the shop door. Jongin barely looked up and down the street before crossing and grabbed the realtor by his jacket sleeve. The man looked at him with offended wide eyes behind his thick rimmed glasses.  
  
“Can I help you?” he asked.  
  
Jongin pulled away and bowed. “Sorry about that sir, but I have a request for you if you have time.” He stood up straight and gestured toward Luhan who was still trying to make it through the cars coming down the road. “Will you show my friend there some apartments in this building? We’ve been looking all day and he said something here would be perfect.”  
  
Luhan joined Jongin and bowed to the man as well. “If it’s not too much trouble, sir, I’d like to see some apartments.”  
  
The man looked them over. “I don’t think someone so young would want an apartment here. Usually businessmen and family live around here.”  
  
“I’m out of college already and have a job,” Luhan said. “I can afford it, so will you show me?”  
  
The man looked them both over then at his wrist watch. “Alright, I have time to show you some of the ones my last clients saw. They had a favorite, but wouldn’t commit to it. If I could get you to commit to it today you would be saving me a negative sale.”  
  
They agreed and followed the man inside the building and up an elevator going to the third floor. The man led them out and down to one of the very last apartments.  
  
“This is more of an officetel,” the man explained. “There’s a bedroom and then a space above the bedroom and bathroom that can be used as a second bedroom or office, or vise versa if you would like. The living room is small, but the kitchen is big enough for a small table if you like to cook.”  
  
Luhan shook his head. “I can’t really cook. Do you have anything else?”  
  
“I have something bigger on the sixth floor.”  
  
Jongin touched Luhan’s arm to get his attention. “You said you didn’t want anything too high.”  
  
“How many floors are there?” Luhan asked.  
  
“Ten,” the man answered, “twelve if you count the ground floor lobby and the attic floor.”  
  
“Six is alright then.”  
  
They took the stairs this time. The man seemed exhausted by the time they were in the sixth floor hall while Jongin could feel the blood circulating inside him with the energy of the walk. The realtor explained that the last owners of this apartment had tried to move a piece of furniture too heavy for the elevator, so it couldn’t go up passed the third floor until next week when they had it fixed.  
  
The apartment they entered had a large living room, but a small kitchen and two good sized bedrooms as well as a large closet and bathroom. Jongin thought it good until he saw the huge stain on one wall.  
  
“Foreign college students, very irresponsible,” the realtor explained when he saw Jongin looking at it.  
  
“It’s perfect,” Luhan said standing by the window.  
  
“What about the stain?” Jongin asked.  
  
“I know someone in my company that’s dating an art student. I’m sure he could do something with it. Look at the view though.”  
  
Jongin moved to stand next to Luhan and look out the large gridded window that made up the front wall of the apartment. The bubble tea shop across the street stood by itself with a parking space behind it for cars for the businessmen that worked around so you could see across to the next street over. It looked like a shopping area, something that would be full of nightlife when the sun went down and lots of taxis seemed to go by. Jongin thought it was ideal for a man with a busy schedule who didn’t want to travel too far for their necessities.  
  
“I thought you wanted one bedroom,” Jongin said.  
  
Luhan shrugged. “Maybe someone will have to crash one night and I can use it as an office. I’d rather pay for two rooms at this price.”  
  
“Is this a yes then?” the realtor asked.  
  
Luhan nodded at him and he excused himself to retrieve the papers from the office in the lobby for Luhan to sign.  
  
Jongin continued to stare out the window with Luhan. “Is this closer to your work than your last apartment?”  
  
“Yeah,” Luhan answered.  
  
“What about the coffee shop?”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
Jongin nodded and nibbled his fingertips to keep himself from asking the next logical question.  
  
“Jongin,” Luhan started.  
  
Jongin turned to look at him. Luhan’s arms were crossed and he looked as if he was cradling himself, but his face was calm, serene.  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“You haven’t asked me why I’m looking for a new place.”  
  
“Because I already know why.”  
  
“You know? Or are you just guessing?” Luhan asked.  
  
Jongin reached out and touched the window tracing the letters of the bubble tea sign. “I met Sehun.”  
  
“Sehun?” Luhan sounded frightened. He always sounded frightened when it came to Sehun. Jongin chuckled.  
  
“Yes, Sehun, your Sehun.”  
  
“How did you two meet?”  
  
Jongin traced the letters again. “He came to give me what for on Friday. He saw me dancing and followed me to the cafe I guess. He took your hat back, too.”  
  
“That’s why you’re not wearing it?” Luhan asked.  
  
Jongin glanced over at Luhan. “He hasn’t given it back to you then? Probably didn’t want you to know he paid me a visit. Your Sehun’s not such a bad kid, just a bit overprotective.”  
  
“He’s not _my_ Sehun,” Luhan said. “He has a boyfriend.”  
  
Jongin stopped tracing the sign and turned away from the window to lean against it instead. He looked at Luhan, trying to meet his eyes, but the elder was looking down at where his arms crossed over his chest. Jongin started to nibble his fingers again.  
  
“Luhan, are you in love with Sehun?”  
  
A breathy nervous chuckle escaped Luhan and he shook his head. “No, no, he’s just...Sehun’s just been someone I’ve been depending on since I left China. It’s just hard to let him go when he use to be just as dependent on me.”  
  
“He was your drug,” Jongin said.  
  
“No, drugs can’t get up and leave, you have to leave them.”  
  
“Then find someone else to depend on,” Jongin offered.  
  
“No, I need to depend on myself, that’s why I’m moving out. Sehun can have his boyfriend move in instead, we have the bigger apartment.”  
  
Jongin studied Luhan’s bent form. He was still standing, but his head kept going lower and lower until he was in a small bow. “When did you start dating boys?”  
  
Luhan’s head snapped up in surprise. “I’ve been gay for over a year, well I mean I’ve known I was gay for over a year.”  
  
“No, I mean, when was your first date with a guy?”  
  
Luhan sighed. “Yixing.”  
  
Jongin nodded. “And he forgot about your date and when he called to apologize you guys ended up hanging out as friends not potential lovers?”  
  
“Yes,” Luhan answered.  
  
“Same thing with the other two?”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
Jongin pushed off the wall and came closer to Luhan. “You said you want to depend on yourself, but I think you’re still looking for someone to depend on. You’re looking for family.”  
  
“Jongin,” Luhan said and backed up until he was trapped in the corner where the opposite wall and window met.  
  
Jongin followed and lifted an arm to cage Luhan in. He was taller than the other, he knew that, but he didn’t like how much taller he felt with Luhan’s head bent so low like a submissive animal.  
  
“That’s what you want, right? It’s not a bad thing, Luhan.”  
  
“Stop,” Luhan protested.  
  
Jongin leaned in. “Luhan, I can be the thing you depend on. You can trust me.”  
  
“Jongin...I-I can’t...trust...” His words were staggered as if Luhan couldn’t decide what exactly he wanted to say. Jongin guessed.  
  
“Christmas? Because of that? I didn’t do that to hurt you, Luhan.” Jongin bit his lip. He reached up his other hand and tilted Luhan’s face up. Big wavering brown eyes looked back up at him like a scared deer.  
  
“Then why?” Luhan asked, his lips quivering and pink.  
  
Jongin took a breath. “Because I’m falling in love with you.”  
  
Jongin leaned in and pressed his lips against Luhan’s. They were soft and a little wet, not from tears but nervous licking. Jongin wanted to press harder, but he didn’t want a repeat of what happened on Christmas. There was a part of him that knew that the part of Luhan protected within his crossed arms would flow out and melt and form itself however Jongin liked. But, Luhan had let that happened once. Jongin didn’t think he would take well if it happened again. He kept his lips there for a few seconds longer before pulling away. He studied the other’s face. All there was was fear and a slight tint of pink. Jongin sighed and pushed himself away from Luhan.  
  
“Fine, Luhan. If you don’t want to get hurt then I don’t want to get hurt either.” He walked toward the door and turned to Luhan who had taken one step away from his corner and almost seemed as if he had planned to reach out to Jongin, but stopped himself. Jongin ruffled his hair in annoyance. “Friendships might be easier, Luhan, but I can’t be just your good friend anymore.”

 

* * *

 

The Valentine’s Day showcase was almost as big as the winter showcase had been. The director held it later at night so young couples out on dates would flock to it. However, unlike the winter showcase or any of their bigger showcases, the Valentine’s Day showcase was more of a contest. Flyers were always sent out to anyone interested in a fast paced contest of dancing and singing and usually scouts from major and minor music companies would drop by for a few performances. It was especially different because you only got two minutes to show your stuff and hope a scout saw it and tried to chase you for an audition afterwards. Of course there was a prize, usually something romantic like coupons to Lotto World that didn’t expire until after White Day, something useful for a date. Jongin wasn’t interested in any of that, most of the serious guys weren’t. He wanted to dance, capture the audience's attention from the first millisecond until the counter buzzed two minutes.  
  
It was the first Valentine’s showcase Jongin went to alone. He usually dragged Kyungsoo along for support and last year he had gotten Junmyeon to come along as well, but they had a date tonight and might stop by if their movie finished in time. He had tried asking the other workers at the cafe, Baekhyun, and even Yixing though he felt awkward around the other (Yixing had tried to ask Jongin about his relations with Luhan, he had been sidetracked by orders before he could respond and Jongin expected Kyungsoo had filled him in later as he didn’t ask again), but both of them had to take the shift. It was his first Valentine’s Day alone, but more importantly than that, his usual dancing competitor had been picked up last year by a company. This was his year to win.  
  
Jongin fingered his DVD as he stood backstage. The performers were allowed props to set the mood as the showcase was themed as any Valentine’s Day event would be. Some of the performers took the theme a little too far to impress with pink and reds and aegyo present in many of their songs and dances. Some of them didn’t even try to connect with the holiday and just went on stage with their usual clothes and any song they knew or could dance to. Jongin was somewhere in the middle. He liked to be different so he had Yixing compose a song fitting for Valentine’s night and Kyungsoo sing. He also had a simple projection of a rainy night as a backdrop, something different from the snow that scattered the ground, a promise of spring rains and blossoming romances.  
  
Many performers had already gone up. Jongin nibbled his fingers mentally crossing out the names on the time slot posted behind the stage. His name was one of the last as was usual. Tonight Jongin didn’t want to be last, he wanted to get through with it and go home to curl up under his empty bed sheets like he had done every night since that Sunday. When not at school or the coffee shop, he was in their apartment practicing for this night. He had put all his energy into these two minutes so he wouldn’t have to think and get angry.  
  
All Jongin wanted to do now was dance.  
  
And the slow set up of the other performers were keeping him from that. Jongin tapped his foot impatient.  
  
Finally, after a bubbly song by a group of girls whose song went over the limit by a few seconds,, the director gave him his signal. Jongin moved to the DJ and handed him his DVD giving instructions to start the clock the minute the DVD started playing. He moved to the stairs where he would walk on and checked himself over once, dressed in black and white, classy because that was the sort of feel he was hoping to give off, smooth and easy. The DVD started playing, a soft almost eerie intro and Jongin started up the stairs counting his steps in his mind. There were just less than two minutes to the DVD that encompassed Jongin’s walk on and walk off. He smoothed out his close as he walked onto the stage, fixed his collar and he didn’t look out into the crowd until he stepped onto the starting point, glancing out at them and smirked before getting into his first position. Not a second later the music started playing.  
  
Jongin’s body suddenly became the embodiment of Kyungsoo’s rich voice as the song began. He moved his arms in smooth dramatic motions trying to convey the emotions of the song that was practically embedded into his mind for how many times he had listened to it over the past couple of weeks. He moved almost without thinking, just every new syllable causing a reaction in Jongin’s body. Only a few seconds of the song passed, but Jongin had enough courage to look out on the audience and show that he could make every part of himself dance even his facial expressions. There were screams from his fans, but Jongin wasn’t really listening to them, just his roommate’s voice telling him how to move, how to feel. They were all just a mass of winter coats and dark hair. Then he saw it.  
  
It was a brown knitted bear hat. His body moved on it’s own as he tried to reason with himself that anyone could own such a hat, but seconds later his eyes met the audience again and also met familiar brown eyes, twinkling with bedazzlement and lips parted in awe. He was watching him. Luhan was there watching him. Jongin did a sort of twirl and a rush of anger moved through his body. Luhan could do this, he couldn’t come and watch Jongin dance after basically rejecting him then not contacting him for weeks. He let him do it once, Christmas, but Jongin wasn’t the type to stick to the three strike and you’re out, rule he didn’t have the time for it and wasn’t a big baseball fan.  
  
The heat of the song got closer and Jongin took a deep breath. He mouthed the elder’s name as he looked out at the crowd again. Jongin was going to dance and Luhan was going to watch and understand he was serious. Jongin was a dramatic dancer after all, what hurt could real emotion do? He reached a hand out, an added move on the spot and quickly pointed a finger to Luhan. He hoped the older man would understand as the song picked up its rhythm.  
  
This was Jongin’s love song.  
  
He moved with passion; he couldn’t help how his face contorted with it. He understood the lyrics being sung and he understand every twitch on Luhan’s face even though he could barely see it -- love vs. fear. It was quick, almost over too soon, but Jongin knew it was all he needed. Dance was the best way Jongin could express himself and he’d just plainly stated what his heart wanted.  
  
Jongin walked off smoothly, the counter hitting two minutes only a second later. He didn’t care about the crowd’s cheers of his stage name or the announcement of the next singer. There weren’t any arms backstage to embrace him and tell him he did a good job like the previous years, there wasn’t a Luhan for him to kiss and hold. Jongin felt numb.  
  
He also didn’t win.  
  
Perhaps it was because his idea of romance was too abstract or it was too real. People tended to fear things that were real, but Jongin took his second place with pride. That was all he had and what did he want with two plane tickets to Jeju Island?  
  
It was thirty minutes after his dance when Jongin left the showcase with his small silver trophy. He started down one of the sidewalks of the park where the showcase had been held, and stuffed his hands in his pockets wishing he had gloves or a hat and wishing his jacket would stop slipping off. It had been warm on stage and backstage, but out here it was cold.  
  
“Jongin.”  
  
Jongin stopped and turned, eyes widening seeing the bear hat topped figure of Luhan. Now that he thought about it, Jongin never remembered seeing Luhan actually wear the beanie, it was always him. “Luhan?”  
  
Luhan shifted his feet and stared down at him. His head popped up like a light bulb had gone off in his head and he turned to his satchel. He dug out a small box and slipped a card out from it walking up to Jongin. “You danced really well Jongin. I’ve never seen it, it’s really impressive.”  
  
The card was slipped into his hands and Luhan took a step away from him. Jongin tilted his head and lifted his hand to see what was written on it. His eyes widened seeing the mark of one of the less famous, but still impressive music companies in the corner, and then Luhan’s name on the card both in hangul and swirly English.  
  
“What is this?” Jongin asked. “Are you a recruiter? A scout.”  
  
Luhan nodded and smiled. “Yeah, and you’re being recruited. Go audition for that company, yeah?”  
  
Jongin stared down at the card. He realized why Luhan didn’t want him to walk with him ands see where he worked. He realized it wasn’t because of why Luhan kept everything else about him away from Jongin. At least for this one thing Luhan had kept from telling Jongin because then Jongin would have to mix pleasure and work together. He would have had an easy way in. He sighed a little relieved.  
  
He was angry though.  
  
Was this all that Luhan came to do, recruit him? And why did Luhan have to come himself? It was like a slap to the face, Jongin couldn’t take this. He didn’t want to be offered a way to his dreams through sympathy.  
  
“Thanks,” Jongin said and reached out to put the card back in Luhan’s hand, “but I don’t want it from you.”  
  
Jongin turned and started back down the walkway of the park. He flinched when he heard footsteps following him.  
  
“Jongin, you really do dance magnificently. Try out at least,” Luhan said catching up with him.  
  
“I don’t want it from you,” Jongin said again and tried to bury himself more into his jacket. He really needed to start wearing coats to showcases even if he did get sweaty right after.  
  
“Jongin!” Luhan’s voice was angry and confused.  
  
Jongin stopped and turned to bore dark eyes down at Luhan taking advantage of the slight difference in their heights. “Is that all you got out of seeing me dance, Luhan, that I’m a good dancer?”  
  
With eyes wide and scared, Luhan shrunk back from Jongin. “What do you mean?”  
  
“I thought you didn’t want anything to do with me, you haven’t talked to me in weeks and then you just appear here. That’s not fair.”  
  
“I...I,” Luhan stumbled with his words. He looked away and Jongin could see the shame radiating from under that bear hat. “I just happened to walk by and I saw the showcase. I wondered if you were here.”  
  
“You wondered if I was here, you confuse me, Luhan. I don’t understand what you want.” Jongin stared down at the older man. He wanted so much to understand Luhan, there were still so many parts of him that Jongin could only contemplate on without ever coming up with an answer.  
  
Luhan’s voice was soft and Jongin almost didn’t hear him. “I can’t have what I want.”  
  
Jongin took a step closer to Luhan. The older man moved back. “Do you want your girlfriend back?”  
  
Luhan shook his head. “No.”  
  
“Do you want one of your other ex-dates?”  
  
“No.”  
  
“Do you want Sehun?” Jongin dared to ask. “I can’t be Sehun, Luhan. We haven’t been friends for years, I can’t just give up my feeling for you like he did.”  
  
Luhan shook his head violently. “I don’t want Sehun.”  
  
Jongin frowned. “Then what do you want?”  
  
Luhan shuffled his feet. Jongin’s eyes followed the movement before trailing back up Luhan’s form wrapped in warm brown winter clothing like a thick soft shield. Jongin wished he could reach forward and penetrate that shield and maybe then he would be able to understand more about Luhan. His eyes landed on Luhan’s bent head, staring straight into the button eyes of the bear hat.  
  
“Kai,” Luhan finally said.  
  
“Kai?” Jongin asked confused.  
  
“I want Kai, your drink.”  
  
Jongin tilted his head to the side and shifted his shoulder to get his jacket back in place. “Why can’t you have that?”  
  
“Because I can only get Kai from you.”  
  
Jongin licked his lips almost regretting it when the wetness started to freeze from the cold. “And what is Kai to you, Luhan?”  
  
“Warmth, home, something that makes me feel special.”  
  
Jongin felt his lips twitch upwards. He thought he was beginning to understand. “I can give you Kai, as much as you like, Luhan.”  
  
Luhan shook his head and any sign of a smile left Jongin’s face. “Kai’s only something I drink on Fridays, it’s only available then, I can’t have it any other time.”  
  
Jongin sighed. He could feel his heart freezing standing out here in the cold. He wanted to live through tomorrow and the next and the  next. “You’re stupid. To think I lost first place for you.” He turned to leave again.  
  
He got a few yards farther than before, the after showcase music barely audible now to him. He sighed and reached up to pull the hood of his jacket over his head.  
  
“Jongin!”  
  
Jongin paused. His eyes widened when he heard feet running toward him and he turned. He felt Luhan collide into his chest before he actually saw him. Arm wrapped around his body capturing one of his beneath it and a face buried into his chest. Jongin stood there stiff and his free hand rose awkwardly in the air.  
  
“So I wasn’t seeing things,” Luhan murmured into his chest. “You were looking at me the whole time.”  
  
Jongin looked down only seeing the back of the bear hat, but he placed his free hand down on it anyways. “I’ve only been looking at you for the past four months, Luhan.”  
  
“I’m sorry, I don’t really know what to do,” Luhan said. He tried to pull away from the hug, but Jongin pressed lightly where his hand was on the back of his head and Luhan stayed put, arms falling away from their grip around Jongin.  
  
“Running after me was a good start.”  
  
Luhan shifted his head so he was looking away from the main area of the walkway. “It’s strange, I just feel lost. It’s the same way I felt when I first came over from China.”  
  
“But you had Sehun then,” Jongin guessed.  
  
“Yeah, I had Sehun to anchor me, but he had already fallen out of love with me and was wrapped tight in  someone else’s arms before I realized I was gay, too. I didn’t want to bother him with help and advice. And I’ve just been drifting around since and then I came across you.”  
  
“Am I an iceberg?” Jongin chuckled.  
  
Luhan moved and looked up. Jongin peaked down at him meeting his doe brown eyes, mostly covered by lashes, a serious soft expression. “No, you’re home.”  
  
“If I’m home, then why do you keep running away from me? Why are you trying to keep me at a distance?”  
  
Luhan laughed. “I’m Chinese and I live in South Korea, I’m always trying to run away from home. I never really liked kissing girls so it was hard enough to come to terms with a home in my orientation.”  
  
Jongin moved his other hand to Luhan’s waist and pulled him back flush against him, giving the hug this time. “Don’t run away anymore, homes don’t have legs to chase you.”  
  
“Jongin I...I don’t know how to go about this. You said you were falling in love with me, but I’m not in love with you, yet.”  
  
Jongin hummed then pulled away. His hand slipped up the back of Luhan’s head and removed the bear hat. He placed it on his own head then smiled at Luhan. “Well, it’s not too late, it’s still Valentine’s. How about we go on a date?”  
  
“Where?” Luhan asked, a hand combing through his light brown hair, flattening out the tuffs lifted by the static of the hat being pulled from his head.  
  
“I’ll take you to home, that is if you don’t mind that Yixing’s there.”  
  
Luhan moved forward, his footsteps delicate but confident. Jongin felt his heart heat up when Luhan slipped his hand into his and tangled their fingers together. He lifted a smiling face up to Jongin, wrinkles crinkling the edges of his eyes.  
  
“If Yixing can always show off his boyfriend then I can show off mine.”

 

* * *

  
  
It wasn’t that Jongin wanted to work at the cafe, he just found taking up part time shifts a few times a week offered him more chances of selling _Kai’s Chocolate Latte_ than the occasional Friday night _._ Not that they were selling many of those now that the weather was warming up. Jongin had taken to coming up with a summer version of the drink that Junmyeon would allow to be sold during his breaks. So far he’d been unsuccessful, but Jongin wasn’t sure whether it was because the iced down milk and coffee mix didn’t appeal to Junmyeon or if he had only allowed Jongin to put his Kais up on the board in the first place in hopes that it would get him points with Kyungsoo. There wasn’t any reason in sweetening up Jongin’s roommate now that the other man was practically never home to room spending his nights in the boss’ bed.  
  
On the upside, Jongin was getting a paycheck from his work and not just a percent of the four hundred won drink. And paychecks were always nice when you had a boyfriend with a ridiculously expensive but manly taste.  
  
Jongin really couldn’t understand how a pair of soccer cleats could wipe him of his first week’s check just because they were the same brand C. Ronaldo was sponsoring. Imported cleats. He doubted Luhan would even wear them; they’d probably just stay on the shelf he had in his living room with all his other precious Manchester United memorabilia Jongin had seen when he went over to the elder’s apartment for the first time after he moved in. What a waste of a birthday gift they’d be.  
  
But, Jongin loved Luhan, so he ignored the bitter feeling of his wallet burning holes into his back pocket and smiled as the bell on the cafe’s front door rang.  
  
“Welcome,” Kyungsoo greeted brightly from his place at the cash register. Usually, Jongin’s roommate would have been lost in orders by now with no energy to great customers, but with the change of weather, fewer visited this late at night who actually wanted anything more than the wifi they offered even on a Friday.  
  
“Oh, it’s just you,” Kyungsoo said and Jongin chuckled hearing the other’s frown.  
  
Jongin looked up and met Luhan’s crinkled eyes as he smiled at him from the other side of the coffee maker. Warmth spread in Jongin’s chest and he returned the smile with what he hoped was even half the watts of Luhan’s.  
  
“Hey hyung, what are you doing here?” Jongin asked.  
  
Luhan took a seat on his usual stool in front of Jongin. “I came to pick you up so you can walk me home.”  
  
Jongin tilted his head as he looked at his boyfriend. “I thought you usually worked early every other Saturday. I wasn’t supposed to come over tonight.”  
  
Luhan hummed then scrunched up his face mischievously. “They gave me an extra day off this week so you can.”  
  
“Alright, I’ll be off in an hour. Are you going to stick around?”  
  
“Yeah, I’ll have a drink and get ahead on some of my work.” Luhan pulled out an Ipad from his satchel and started scrolling long fingers down its sensitive surface. “Did Junmyeon give you the okay yet?”  
  
Jongin sighed as he moved to the espresso machine. “No, and I’m starting to think he won’t,” Jongin said then raised his voice louder, “because someone’s always giving him too much ass.”  
  
“Yah! Kim Jongin, don’t talk about that at work!” Kyungsoo yelled over to them then disappeared into the back.  
  
Luhan and he shared a laugh and Jongin put the finishing touches on his boyfriend’s latte before handing it over to him. Luhan took the drink with boy hands and bowed his head a bit.  
  
“Jongin, do you have any extra clothes here?”  
  
“I have a dirty pair of practice clothes in my bag. I was practicing before I came in for my shift.”  
  
“I have a washing machine. Will you stay the night?”  
  
Jongin’s head snapped to look at Luhan, but the elder already had his cup lifted so it covered most of his face and his expression.  
  
“I’ve never stayed over before,” Jongin said. Certainly things between Luhan and him hadn’t stayed innocent for long, but they hadn’t gone further than what happened on Christmas. Even if it was three in the morning, Luhan had made it a strict rule that Jongin not be allowed to crash at his place. Jongin had been fine with it. It wasn’t like he wanted to rush his first time anymore than Luhan did, but he was one hundred percent sure he was in love with Luhan and didn’t find a reason not to show his boyfriend those feelings. There was only so much expensive birthday gifts could do.  
  
Luhan lowered the drink and Jongin caught a glimpse of pink flushing his cheeks. “I know. It’ll be our first time.”  
  
Jongin hummed hearing the double meaning in his boyfriend’s words. He started to prepare a fresh batch of coffee to cover up the sudden hammering of his heart at the thought of it. “What brought this on?”  
  
“I had a talk with Sehun.”  
  
Jongin stabbed the scoop into the bottom of one of the coffee bean bags under the counter. “What did you guys talk about?”  
  
He heard Luhan’s fingers tapping onto his Ipad as he hesitated to respond. “How to do things.”  
  
Jongin peaked over the counter. “What things?”  
  
“Things with you.”  
  
Jongin grinned and stood back up pouring the beans into the machine and starting it back up. He leaned on top of the machine and leaned over it, his face hovering just a few centimeters above Luhan’s head. Luhan peaked up at him and a glared folded down his face.  
  
“What?” Luhan asked.  
  
Jongin reached out and twirled a lock of Luhan’s hair between his fingers looking at him. It was a sunshine blonde now, the elder having lightened it only a while before for the spring season.  
  
“I love you.”  
  
Luhan pursed his lips and tugged his head back so his hair slipped away from Jongin’s fingers. He started to mess around with his ipad again. “I can’t respond to that here.”  
  
Jongin’s grinned widened and he walked over to the cash register seeing as Kyungsoo had yet to come back to his poor abandoned post. He looked up at the clock on the other side of the cafe. Forty-five more minutes.  
  
It was thirty-five minutes later when Jongin knocked off. It took that long for Kyungsoo to reemerge from the back with a flushed face followed by a ruffled Junmyeon. Jongin took that moment to rip off his apron and throw it at his boss before practically jumping over the counter to stand next to Luhan. He offered his arm to his boyfriend and waved to the others once they were outside the door.  
  
“Is it alright to not tell Kyungsoo you’re not going to the apartment tonight?” Luhan asked as they started down the familiar path to his apartment.  
  
“He’s not going home either so it doesn’t matter. Should we get a midnight snack?” Jongin asked.  
  
“No, there was a party at work so I’m full. If you want something, I have ice cream in the freezer at home.”  
  
Jongin nodded and tugged Luhan across the street before the walk light could turn red. They didn’t talk much as they walked. Occasionally Jongin would point out something that had changed since the last time they had been down this way. He was a nervous wreck by the time they stood at the bubble tea place across the street from Luhan’s apartment. Jongin had been all cheery and raring to go at the cafe, but now that they were here he realized what was actually going to happen to its full capacity.  
  
He was going to make love to Luhan.  
  
He was going to make love to Luhan when he’d never made love to anyone before.  
  
He was going to screw this up.  
  
Luhan slipped his arm out of Jongin’s and turned to look at him. “Jongin?”  
  
Jongin swallowed. “Yeah?”  
  
Luhan lowered his head and blonde bangs fell over his eyes. Jongin instinctively reached a hand up to sweep them away. His hand was caught in Luhan’s and the elder lowered it before entwining their fingers together.  
  
“Let’s go inside.”  
  
Jongin caught the shy glance Luhan gave him from under those bangs when he said that. He gripped Luhan’s hand and led them across the street.  
  
Luhan’s apartment was warm. Jongin moved to the small ugly brown loveseat Luhan had purchased and threw his jacket over the back of it before half straddling one arm of it. He put his elbows on the back of the couch and watched Luhan as he removed his own jacket and moved to the closet in the entranceway to hang it up.  
  
“Why did you need to talk to Sehun about that kind of stuff?” Jongin asked and wanted to laugh when he saw Luhan jump at the question.  
  
Luhan smoothed out the jackets in the closet as he thought of his answer. “I, well I never really looked up _how_ to be gay. I just realized I was gay and a while later I thought I’d try having a gay relationship.”  
  
“So you didn’t know how guys had sex.”  
  
“I knew. I just...I just didn’t know the details of it.”  
  
Jongin slid off the couch armrest and walked over to Luhan. He moved behind Luhan and slowly lifted his arms around his older boyfriend. He rested his chin on Luhan’s shoulder and Luhan leaned back into him. Jongin placed a soft kiss to his neck before trailing his lips up to Luhan’s ear.  
  
“It’s going to hurt a little, but I promise not to hurt _you_.”  
  
Luhan’s hand found itself up and threading in Jongin’s hair. “I know, Jongin, because you love me.”  
  
Jongin nodded, lips moving against Luhan’s skin with the motion.  
  
“And I know,” Luhan continued, “because I love you, Kim Jongin.”  
  
Jongin’s chest tightened hearing the confession for the first time. He hummed satisfied and held Luhan tighter.  
  
“You finally said it,” he muttered against Luhan’s skin.  
  
“I finally mean it. You’re not just home, Jongin, you’re a place I want to be.”  
  
Jongin could feel the heat from embarrassment reddening Luhan’s ears from where his lips were placed. He grinned knowing it probably took a lot for the elder to say things like this especially to a guy.  
  
“Do you have stuff?” Jongin asked.  
  
“In the bedroom.”  
  
Jongin kissed the shell of Luhan’s ear then moved away, a hand reaching out to him. “Then let’s go to the bedroom.”  
  
Luhan’s hand reached out and folded into his with careful determination. Jongin clasped it tight then tugged Luhan along behind him as he headed to the bedroom.  
  
It wasn’t Jongin’s first time in Luhan’s bedroom (they had spent hours just laying on Luhan’s bed, the elder eventually becoming embarrassed just staring at each other and would end up grabbing his lap top so they could watch random videos curled up together), but this time the room suddenly felt different. The large bed covered in sheets of various browns like chocolates in a candy box didn’t appear comfortable, but like a pool they were preparing to dip themselves in and Jongin knew, when they emerged, there would be something different between them, but hopefully something beautiful and delicious.  
  
Luhan was the first to cross over to the bed. His hand slipped away from Jongin’s and he moved to his usual side, fingers trailing across the silky sheets on the bed. He stopped just before the headboard and turned to look at Jongin.  
  
Jongin grinned at him and received an awkward smile in return. He reached for the zipper on his jacket and pulled down. The sound of the metal teeth scratching against each other echoed in the room. He slid the fabric over his shoulders and let it fall to his wrists before catching it and folding it over the back of the chair at the desk on his side.  
  
“What are you doing?” Luhan asked.  
  
“Getting undressed. It’ll be less awkward if we don’t have to worry about clothes,” Jongin said half telling the truth and half making up an excuse for stalling, trying to plan out how exactly to set the mood. He felt a bit like he was trying to prepare the starting moves for a new song, except here he didn’t even know what the song sounded like.  
  
Rustling from the other side told Jongin Luhan was stripping, too. Jongin stopped when he was only in his boxers and glanced over at Luhan. The elder man was already sliding his own underwear off. He looked up with surprised eyes and quickly stood now completely naked. Jongin’s eyes roamed over his body, taking in every inch of pale vanilla skin. They’d been naked before, just never at the same time. Jongin had only successfully gotten Luhan to take off all his clothes twice and Luhan liked to get things over with quickly, but he also liked to surprise Jongin. It didn’t happen often, but the times Luhan had taken Jongin into his mouth were all surprises, suddenly just jumping Jongin and pulling him out with quick fingers. Many of those times had been just Luhan jumping him the moment he stepped out of the shower. (He borrowed Luhan’s shower often both because he always tended to come over still sweaty from practice or from a showcase and because he liked to smell like Luhan).  
  
Ultimately, Jongin hadn’t seen Luhan naked often, so he took in all he could every time he did.  
  
Luhan grabbed the pillow beside him and covered himself. “Why aren’t your boxers off, too?”  
  
Jongin felt himself twitch at the coy reaction his boyfriend had and bent over a little to hide. It was one thing to be raging hard in Luhan’s mouth, another to see he was already excited just seeing Luhan naked. “I’ll...take them off after I get the stuff.”  
  
Luhan tilted his head to the side and glanced behind him to where there was a bedside table. “The stuff’s on this side.”  
  
“Oh,” Jongin said dumbly. His eyes slowly went back to looking Luhan over. Though his face was small, he had the body frame of a man in a perfect, though small, triangle, and the lines of his muscles were obvious in his pale skin. Jongin reached for the folded part of the bed sheets and pulled them down. “Lay down first.”  
  
Luhan nodded and put the pillow back then slowly climbed onto the bed. Jongin watched, heat falling to his belly seeing the elder’s member hardening as well. He started to walk around the bed, headed to the other side where Luhan had stashed the essentials. He watched as Luhan lowered himself onto the bed, chest down. Jongin’s eyes roamed the S curve Luhan’s back and bottom made as he blindly fumbled in the bedside table drawer.  
  
Luhan laughed and Jongin felt red creep up his neck not realizing Luhan was watching him watch him. He tore his eyes away and properly looked inside the drawer. He saw various small bottles of different lubes and some condoms along with a small toy still in its packaging. He poked at the toy with a frown then inspected each lube bottle.  
  
“Jongin, hurry up or I might fall asleep,” Luhan whined.  
  
Jongin picked up one of the bottles and held it up to read better. “Coffee, they make coffee flavored lube?”  
  
“Jongin!” Luhan whined again.  
  
He closed the drawer, ignoring the condoms since Luhan wasn’t a girl and this was both of theirs’ first time. Jongin climbed onto the bed and slowly straddled Luhan’s legs. He read the lube bottle one more time before uncapping it and spread a small about on his hands.  
  
“It smells good,” Luhan said. He shivered when Jongin pressed one of his lube slicked hands against his shoulder. “It’s cold.”  
  
Jongin started to move that hand into the muscles of Luhan’s shoulder. “Did you work a lot today, hyung?”  
  
Luhan hummed. “I had to walk around a lot, I was on a scouting mission today.”  
  
Jongin moved his other hand to Luhan’s other shoulder and pressed harder on the muscles there. He was rewarded with appreciative moans from the man below him. His hands moved down Luhan’s spine and he slowly grew more confidence, leaning down to follow his movements with soft kisses. He felt Luhan’s body stiffen at first then go lax.  
  
“Jongin,” Luhan moaned lightly as Jongin’s hands reached his bottom, firmly massaging each cheek. “J-Jongin, your hands...you...”  
  
Luhan turned when Jongin didn’t understand. Jongin lifted his head from intently staring at the skin of Luhan’s bottom as it squished between his fingers to see Luhan looking at him with his torso slightly turned on the bed. Luhan’s eyelashes fluttered and his cheeks were flushed. Jongin blinked at him then let out a startled sound as Luhan reached a hand out and to the back of Jongin’s head, pulling him in, the sound getting cut off when their lips met in a passionate kiss.  
  
Jongin thought their first kiss on the night they made love for the first time would be hesitant and sweet followed by many more soft kisses interrupted by nervous laughs. Instead, he got a tongue delving inside his surprised mouth, a body rolling over beneath him to lie on their back and pull Jongin down closer. It took Jongin a few moments to catch up before he repositioned himself over Luhan and battled the elder’s tongue back, slowly winning his way into the attacker’s position.  
  
A soft whine escaped Luhan’s lips and traveled straight down to Jongin’s member. He left Luhan’s lips to hear more of the sounds he was swallowing up and instead found prize on the elder’s neck. Jongin sucked and kissed the long delicate expanse of skin there that Luhan offered freely with a tilt of his head. He lowered his hips so his crotch could press down against Luhan’s and groaned when he only felt the outline of Luhan’s hardening member remembering he still wore his boxers. Jongin pulled his hips off and reached a hand back to fight the offending clothe off. Luhan’s hand tugged at his hair, and took over the job of laying kisses against neck as Jongin was preoccupied.  
  
Jongin let out a moan, pleased by both finally being freed of his boxers and at the mouth on his neck. He turned his head so Luhan’s mouth met his and quickly devoured Luhan again, taking over the dominating. Part of Jongin had wondered if, when this time came, would Luhan insist on not being submissive (which Jongin would have agreed to because he loved Luhan), but he was glad Luhan trust him enough to do this. Certainly he wasn’t anymore experience than Luhan, but he was certain he was more confident on making sure his lover felt the least pain he could.  
  
The lube bottle was caught under one of Luhan’s thighs. Jongin was all too happy to grab the firm flesh and fondle it as he moved Luhan’s leg out of the way, effectively spreading the elder’s legs, to get it. He caught Luhan’s eyes as he uncapped the bottle again. He closed it when he saw a flicker of panic cross Luhan’s eyes and took a second to collect himself, downing the lust storming inside of him. With the lube firmly in his hand, Jongin started to place kisses up Luhan’s stomach to calm the elder down. He didn’t know what Luhan was thinking right now, but he knew he was skittish, not in the easily scared way, but emotionally. He placed kisses to each section of Luhan’s fair six pack, up his sternum, and wrapped a tongue around one of his nipples already perky with the pleasure so far.  
  
When Luhan gave a soft whine plead for Jongin to stop teasing, Jongin finally moved away. He hovered above Luhan, eyes searching Luhan’s half lidded ones until they were firmly watching each other. Jongin leaned down, eyes still opened and pressed a soft kiss to Luhan’s lips.  
  
“Bare with me,” he whispered against them before moving down Luhan’s body.  
  
Jongin took Luhan into his mouth, something familiar to ease the tension he was sure Luhan was feeling now that they were getting to the next step. Luhan’s hand came back to tangle in his hair the moment he had a good rhythm going and he uncapped the lube bottle to coat his fingers. He pushed the first in.  
  
It was hot inside Luhan. Jongin figured he should have known that, but it still caught him off guard and he found himself pushing the second finger in too soon. Luhan gave out a startled cry of uncomfortable pain and Jongin moved his mouth off his member to kiss up it in a soothing way before starting again. He scissored his fingers and thrust them in and out, taking as many minutes as his own leaking length would allow him before it exploded just from Luhan’s noises as the elder began to enjoy the intrusion.  
  
The third finger made both of them jolt, Luhan at the second round of pain and Jongin at the almost crying noise that escaped Luhan’s lips. He hummed around Luhan’s member to distract him, hummed ‘I love you’ and the chorus to the love song he was choreographing recently in class. When it felt like Luhan wasn’t tightening up anymore, Jongin pulled his fingers out and sat up.  
  
Jongin settled himself between Luhan’s legs, aligning his member with his older boyfriends. He looked up as he pressed the tip against Luhan’s hole to gauge the other’s reaction. Luhan was biting his lip, watching Jongin. His member was hard and weeping, but Jongin could see the nerves rolling over Luhan. Their eyes met for a moment. Luhan licked his lips then nodded. Jongin gave a smile in return then pushed in.  
  
It was hotter around Jongin’s member than it had been around his fingers. He trembled with the need to make friction in the heat, fingers gripping tightly to Luhan’s thighs as he steadied himself. He had heard Luhan let out a pained groan when he’d entered and wanted to wait until Luhan had loosened up around him. Jongin didn’t think he’d be able to take hearing it again. Luhan shifted his feet and placed a hand on the back of Jongin’s head. His fingers softly combed through his dark locks and Jongin looked up. Luhan’s eyes were closed, so Jongin could only guess Luhan was saying it was okay to move by his actions.  
  
The first thrust was unsteady. Jongin wasn’t quite sure where he was going with it, just that he needed to pull out and in. Luhan made an annoyed sound and Jongin stayed still for a few more seconds before trying again. He felt himself slide in easier this time and slowly tried to find the right speed to make them both feel good. When Luhan’s hips began to move with him, Jongin steadied his pace and began to look for better angles and strengths. Luhan arched, his fingers gripping at Jongin’s hair again when Jongin aimed slightly to one side. Jongin started to move against that spot, relaxing and watched Luhan’s expression as they moved together.  
  
Luhan’s face didn’t change much. His eyes fluttered open every few thrusts so Jongin could catch a glimpse of the pleasure swirling in those doe brown orbs. Sometimes his brows wrinkled up more, but it wasn’t like Jongin didn’t enjoy the endless scene of Luhan’s pink lips parted as he took heavy breaths, cheeks tinted a bright pink, and the twitch of his nose. When he came, though, both the wet feeling on Jongin’s abs and Luhan’s expression were unexpected. Luhan arched high, member pressed between their bodies. He licked his lips then let out a loud cry of Jongin’s name and came back down, eyes half opened and blurry and looking completely ravished with his head lolling to one side. Jongin didn’t even have time to take it all in before he came inside Luhan.  
  
Jongin pulled out and rolled to lie on his side beside Luhan. He stared at Luhan’s side profile as he elder continued to stare up at the ceiling. Slowly, Luhan lifted a hand and ran it through his hair before turning to Jongin. He was smiling, just a tug on his lips that grew the longer he stared at Jongin that ended with a breathless laugh. Jongin smiled back, chuckling in return.  
  
“Wow,” Luhan said, voice hoarse.  
  
“Yeah, wow,” Jongin agreed.  
  
Luhan laughed, again, eyes crinkling the way Jongin loved so much. He went back to looking up at the ceiling as they recovered from their moment of pure ecstasy. Jongin continued to stare at Luhan.  
  
There were things Jongin wanted to ask Luhan, things he had been too afraid to ask him before, not confident that their relationship was strong enough yet. He wanted to know about Luhan’s girlfriend, a topic they’d had strayed into yet, and about what made Luhan want to come to Korea in the first place when his job was so simple. All these questions welled up inside him, ready to blurt out at any moment, but Jongin stayed silent. Jongin stayed silent and watched Luhan take it all in, the extent to which they loved each other.  
  
There would be other Friday nights to ask about the past, but tonight Jongin just wanted to hear Luhan say he loved him one more time before the heat of Luhan’s body beside him lulled him to sleep.  
  
She's my babe  
At the end of the innocent, white hand - melted chocolate latte  
You're walking into my door  
I want to show you more me (don't lie) if I can be honest (gonna be easy)  
Not once, I have never experienced this sweet harmony  
Don’t be too late.


End file.
